Diamondbacks 13, Astros 8: D'Backs Avoid Sweep Against Bad Team

The D'Backs returned home for the first time since the break, coming off a rather nihilism-inducing comeback loss against Cincinnati. The Houston Astros would be their opponent, and you would think that would be the perfect panacea for our woes, but we thought the same thing against the Padres and Cubs so....

However, lest we forget, the last time the Astros came to Chase Field for a series, this happened. The bats of the D'Backs may still have had some of that leftover magic in them, as they got as many runs in this game as they did in that entire Padres series.

Tonight was also the debut of Ryan Wheeler (Good Wheeler to you and me) starting at third base after being called up today. Tonight was also 80s night at the ballpark, so put on your swatches, gentlemen, and put on a suit with shoulder pads, ladies, and let's dig into tonight's game after the jump

I don't know about you guys, but I think we should petition Congress to submit a bill that says that games that Trevor Cahill start are not allowed to have a 1st inning. A leadoff double on a bloop that Parra could not quite get to lead the way for another double down the first base line to make it 1-0 Astros. Matt Downs then bunted himself on, and J.D Martinez grounded into a double play, but the runner on third scored to make it 2-0.

The D'Backs answered right back, though. That was cool of them. Parra drew a leadoff walk, and as the saying goes those always score, unless they don't. Parra advanced on a bad pickoff throw by Bud Norris, and Stephen Drew laced a double to score him. Aaron Hill got a single that possibly could have scored Stephen Drew, but he was held up by Matt Williams. First and third with no outs, you're gonna get another run, right? You naive fool. Kubel struck out, Drew was thrown out at the plate on a ball hit right to the third baseman who was played in (whoops), and Miggy struck out to waste a pretty good opportunity.

The score was eventually tied at 2-2 in the bottom of the 3rd with a Drew single, advancement on wild pitch, Hill Single (on which Matt Williams held Drew at third. Must be a freemason thing). Jason Kubel then grounded out to score Drew. Justin Upton came up with a man in scoring position and two outs and oh god he's behind in the count and we should trade him for a bunch of AA relievers and he openly picks fights with fans because he doesn't care, and cares too much at the same time. He went and hit a two run homer.

Wait, what?

Upton hit his first Home Run in almost a month, his 8th on the year to make the score 4-2. That was career homer number 99. 99, as we know, was Wayne Gretzky's number, the number of bottles of beer on the wall, and the number of problems that Jay-Z has.

Upton also got another RBI in the 5th by drawing a bases loaded walk. 5th is also where he's been batting since Cincinnati ZOMG #ILLUMINATI. Miggy continued the run train with a single, helped by some not optimal fielding by Jordan Schafer, scoring two more runs. That did it for BBud Norris (H/t ZM). Enerio Del Rosario (rolls off the tongue, no really) proceeded to give up an RBI double to Paul Goldschmidt. The last run of the five total came on a Cahill bloop single which scored Goldschmidt, but Good Wheeler was gunned down at the plate. This earned Cahill his first career RBI, and it was 9-2 D'Backs at this point.

The Astros just wouldn't quit, which was a bit rude of them, don't you think? They scored two runs in the 6th The first off of a Wheeler oopsie on a soft grounder. Now that would have scored the runner from third if he had fielding it cleanly but that lead to that runner scoring on a Carlos Corporan double and that did is for Cahill.

Trevor did not have another start to write home about, His final line: 5.1 IP, 9 H, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 Ks. In every inning except for the 2nd, the leadoff hitter for the Astros got on base. That's not usually a recipe for success. However, it was against the Astros so there was not as much damage as there could have been.

The aforementioned Good Wheeler got his first career hit in the 7th on a flare to center. Congratulations to him, and here's to many more of those. He went 1-4 tonightwith a run scored! That particular hit loaded the bases, and Ryan Roberts got a pinch hit to bring the run total of the D'Backs into double digits. The runs just kept coming on a bizzare play where Parra hit it to Matt Downs, who decided that stepping on first wasn't for him, and went straight to home. Everyone was safe. Drew then drove in the two Ryans with a single.

Johnathan Albaladejo gave up a homer to Corporan to bring the Astros to within 8. Then in the 9th, Bryan Shaw was brought in and did the pitching equivalent of tripping out on bath salts by giving up a three run home run to Scott Moore, but he struck out the next batter and yay wins!

As soco is fond of saying, this is only awkward if we make it awkward.

Game two of this particular series happens tomorrow at around 5 PM Arizona time. Be there, or be not there! Or be in some weird nightmarish purgatory in-between both of those. Your choice.