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Happy Memorial Day! All the weekly contests have been reset to zero, so there's never been a better time to get on board for those. As for last week, congrats to imstillhungry95 for the best score on Sunday, but particularly to jzzfanj for a thoroughly dominating performance which will certainly see him get a T-shirt. Not heard yet from our overlords what happens to the second one, but they'll be in touch with whoever they decided gets it - might be after Memorial Day, I'm guessing. On to the fantasy league. Here's the quick results, details in the usual place:
AZ SnakePit 4, Phoenix Platypi 4
Mizzoula Osprey 8, soco knows 1
Alabama Slammers 10, Los Wailoracles 0
Blonde Streaks 3, The Fighting Amish 7
Sofa King Juiced 4, CompleteGameShutout 5
Lil Bitches 3, MyWieterGetzLongoria 7
Ignatius J. Rallies 7, Waffles 1
AZ SnakePit 4, Phoenix Platypi 4
After roaring out to a big early lead, the Platypi had to settle for a split, SB and Sv ending level. The hitting categories were mostly close, but Snake edged them behind Phillips three HR and eight RBI - Stubbs homered three times for Phoenix. Santana (Snake) had a W + 14 K; Perez (Platypi) got three Sv.
Mizzoula Osprey 8, soco knows 1
The Osprey crushed the knows, sweeping pitching behind Pitcher of the Week Dickey who rolled up two Wins and 21 Strikeouts; Rodney also Saved three games. Hitting was a bit more even, HR ending tied, and soco hit .300 to take BA, but Cabrera (12 R, 8 RBI) powered Mizzoula to an easy victory.
Alabama Slammers 10, Los Wailoracles 0
The whitewash took Alabama to a tie for first, and it really wasn't close, a 0.61 ERA margin the closest Los came. Pujols finally delivered for the Slammers on his #4 draft spot with four HR and eight RBI, backed by Teixeira (three HR, nine RBI). Buehrle got two W and Francisco three Sv for Alabama.
Blonde Streaks 3, The Fighting Amish 7
Blonde struggled once again, despite three Saves from Clippard and a 2.40 ERA. Otherwise, it was almost all Amish, who got three Sv from Soriano and 17 strikeouts by Bumgarner. They also had Hitter of the Week Konerko, who scored 10, drove in 10 and hit .583; Bourn added three Home-Runs.
Sofa King Juiced 4, CompleteGameShutout 5
The week's closest game saw Complete edge Sofa, thanks to taking Sv by one, and tying in SB. They piled up 17 HR, with four for Morneau and three for Cano + Davis. Juiced got two Wins and a dozen strikeouts from Wilson, while Haren got a W + 14 K, but it wasn't quite enough and they came up short.
Lil Bitches 3, MyWieterGetzLongoria 7
Probably a closer game than the score suggests, especially on pitching where Longoria took W + Sv by one, They got 13 K's from Garcia, while Cain had two W + 12 strikeouts from Cain. Offense was limited, with no-one scoring more than five Runs (Escobar for Lil) or six RBI (Kubel + Avila, Longoria).
Ignatius J. Rallies 7, Waffles 1
Rallies dominated on the mound: Stanton had three HR + 10 RBI, with Butler also going deep three times - they hit a collective .319 for the week. Wins and Sv ended tied - both teams put up a zero in the latter - and Waffles took K's, Gonzalez getting two W + 19 strikeouts. Latos got two W + 11 K for the Rallies.
Standings
| Rank | Team | W-L-T | Pct | GB | Last Week | Waiver | Moves | |
| 1. | Alabama Slammers | 46-28-6 | .613 | - | 10-0-0 | 7 | 15 | |
| 2. | The Fighting Amish | 47-29-4 | .613 | - | 7-3-0 | 14 | 20 | |
| 3. | Mizzoula Osprey | 44-32-4 | .575 | 3 | 8-1-1 | 2 | 14 | |
| 4. | Ignatius J. Rallies | 41-32-7 | .556 | 4.5 | 7-1-2 | 11 | 18 | |
| 5. | Sofa King Juiced | 43-34-3 | .556 | 4.5 | 4-5-1 | 8 | 20 | |
| 6. | Lil Bitches | 42-33-5 | .556 | 4.5 | 3-7-0 | 1 | 4 | |
| 7. | MyWieterGetzLongoria | 39-33-8 | .538 | 6 | 7-3-0 | 6 | 10 | |
| 8. | Blonde Streaks | 39-35-6 | .525 | 7 | 3-7-0 | 10 | 14 | |
| 9. | Phoenix Platypi | 37-38-5 | .494 | 9.5 | 4-4-2 | 13 | 10 | |
| 10. | Waffles | 32-41-7 | .444 | 13.5 | 1-7-2 | 5 | 12 | |
| 11. | AZ SnakePit | 31-41-8 | .438 | 14 | 4-4-2 | 9 | 3 | |
| 12. | CompleteGameShutout | 29-45-6 | .400 | 17 | 5-4-1 | 4 | 18 | |
| 13. | soco knows | 27-48-5 | .369 | 19.5 | 1-8-1 | 12 | 9 | |
| 14. | Los Wailoracles | 23-51-6 | .325 | 23 | 0-10-0 | 3 | 3 |
Week 9 Games
AZ SnakePit vs. Lil Bitches
Mizzoula Osprey vs. Phoenix Platypi
Alabama Slammers vs. soco knows
Blonde Streaks vs. Los Wailoracles
Sofa King Juiced vs. The Fighting Amish
Ignatius J. Rallies vs. MyWieterGetzLongoria
Waffles vs. CompleteGameShutout
Amish vs. Juiced will be the ESPN Game of the Week, with Amish seeking to extend their unbeaten run to seven, while Sofa have tended to win big or lose narrowly - three of their four defeats have seen them score four points. while three of their four victories have been by four or better. Josh Reddick has, surprisingly, been the Juiced's best player to date, a role filled for Fighting by Justin Verlander.