Diamondbacks 2, Braves 10: Freaky Friday Starring Collmenter, Miley, and Lindsay Lohan

Record: 7-6. Pace: 87-75. Change on last year: +2

Admit it, we were all nervous for the start of this game. Josh Collmenter had been completely rocked his previous two starts in the season, and looked to be at the end of his options. The line-up rolled out was less than inspiring, causing some to snark that it was testing the hypothetical all-replacement level team. To add to our dread was the opponent: sure, the Braves are very similar to the Diamondbacks, as shown by Zavada's Mustache earlier, but they're not slouch. The D-backs would need to battle if they wanted a win.

Weirdly enough, the D-backs were in this thing up to the 6th inning. Things seemed to be coming together, and I almost thought maybe it'd be a good old fashioned fight to the end. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Josh Collmenter started terribly. I don't mean to pick on the poor guy, as I'd love nothing more than for him to succeed. He just hasn't done well before this game, and the first inning did nothing to inspire hope. He was all over every place but the strike zone, except the one pitch he left in the zone that Freddie Freeman hit for a 2 run bomb. Visions of another short outing filled my head, and I wondered how long it would take to off myself with my gas oven.

The D-backs offense looked equally inept to start the game. The first two innings featured 2 strike outs and 4 weak groundouts. No one seemed to be making any contact against Mike Minor, who was largely dealing through out the game.

The home team managed to grind out some runs in the 3rd and 5th innings, and suddenly we had a game in our hands. In the 3rd Gerardo Parra led things off with a single, moved to second on a Henry Blanco single. They executed a double steal, and Collmenter knocked a sacrifice fly to put the score 2-1. In the 5th Blanco led things off by playing the game the right way. He popped up just beyond the infield, and it should have been an easy play for Dan Uggla. Instead, the ball was dropped, and because Blanco was running hard the whole way he was able to get to second. He was advanced by Collmenter, who again sacrificed himself, and AJ Pollack contributed a sacrifice of his own to tie the game and pick up his first major league RBI.

Things looked great heading into the 6th inning, but then the wheels fell off. It's unfortunate that Collmenter ultimately got tagged with 4 runs, as he left the inning with 2 on, but that's how it goes sometimes. Wade Miley has picked up Collmenter the past two starts, but this time it was Collmenter who performed better. Miley gave up a couple of hits, the Braves scored 3 runs in the inning, and were on their way to a rout.

Look, you really don't want to know the bloody details. Let's put it this way. Outside of two innings the D-backs scored runs, they did a whole lot of nothing on offense. After the 5th, they didn't even manage a baserunner until Johnny Venters walked two in the 9th. My scorecard was virtually mark-free for the D-backs, but it was filled to the brim for the Braves. Atlanta scored multiple runs in 4 different innings. That should tell you the whole story right there.

Josh Collmenter performed reasonably well, finishing with a line of 4 ER, 6 hits, only 1 walk, and 4 strikeouts. Minor countered him by going 8 innings, allowing only 1 ER, no walks, and striking out 9. The Diamondbacks were just outclassed in both pitching and offense today, though we can take solace in the minor fact that Collmenter looked much better. Is it enough to warrant more starts? We'll just have to wait and see.

"Mean Girls" Lindsay Lohan: Henry Blanco (15.9%)

Pre-Jail Lindsay Lohan: Ryan Roberts (9.8%???)

Current Lindsay Lohan: Wade Miley (30.5%)

Will you look at that drop. Reminds me of Lindsay Lohan's career. Busy Gameday Thread today, as we ground out 1200 comments in self-immolation. Top commenter was imstillhungry95, who was the only one over 200. He was joined by DbacksSkins in the Century Club, and these fine people: AzDbackfanInDc, BattleMoses, hotclaws, asteroid, Bcawz, txzona, Clefo, blue bulldog, soco, dbacksfann, CaptainCanuck, snakecharmer, luckycc, Jim McLennan, 4 Corners Fan, Marc Fournier, porty99, NASCARbernet, Rockkstarr12, The so-called Beautiful, Backin'the'Backs, jjwaltrip, PR151, dbacks25, and dbacks79.

Comment of the day goes to Clefo for trying to out-Kevin-Towers Kevin Towers in washed up roster construction:

PUT THE TUPAC HOLOGRAM IN

Founder of the 'Foundation for the Advancement of Clefoing' a 501C3

by Clefo on Apr 19, 2012 11:37 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Let's forget this whole mess happened, eh? Tomorrow is another game, and it's a four game set. We're in a bit of a slump right now, but let's be real for a second. It wasn't the best side of the D-backs being represented tonight, and they fought for over half the game. We'll get 'em tomorrow. Game time is at 6:40pm.