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Pit Your Wits Week 2: The Ballad Of Josh Collmenter

By Charlie Gebow
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Hello all. This is Pit Your Wits, but first, your local news.

State Legislator is caught taking bribes. State Legislator is caught smuggling ducks into Estonia. State Legislator is eaten by a Grue.

And welcome back to Pit Your Wits. If you joined us last week, we were discussing Troy Tulowitzki, or Tulo for short. Tulo is the sort of person who boards a crowded bus, sits down, and leaves his backpack on the seat next to him. We asked our panel what would happen if he should venture into a bar? The results follow after the jump, and I am pleasantly surprised that none of them involved the word "Triple".

Have fun at the jump? We will now award the prestigious Pit Your Wits weekly prizes: The Gold, Silver, and Bronze Paint Chip!
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This week's Gold Paint Chip goes to kishi for this joke which had 15 recs:

Troy Tulowitzki walks into a bar

He’s having a couple of beers with a friends, and right about last call, Tulo sees a gorgeous woman on the other side of the bar. He thinks it over, and tells his friends they can head home, but he’s going to go talk to her. They wish him luck, and Tulo makes his way across the room.

Next morning, his friend calls Tulo up. “How did it go? Looked like you were hitting it off.”

Tulo just says, “No luck. Dan Haren showed up and I struck out.”

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The Silver Paint Chip goes to blank_38 for this piece of 9 reccery:

Troy Tulowitzki walks into a bar,

His alcohol problem is destroying his family.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And then, his wife leaves him, and he has to go to rehab, and he suffers medical and psychological problems for the rest of his life due to his debilitating addiction. Hilarious! :P


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The Bronze Paint Chip goes to soco, who played with the premise a little bit, provided a picture AND is the winner of this week's Tristan Tzara award with this 6 rec performance:


Troy Tulowitzki walks into a bear

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Yeah, I don't know either.

Anyway, our leaderboard after the first week is as follows:

Person Points
kishi 6
blank_38 3
soco 1

And now for the second challenge. As we all know, Josh Collmenter did not perform particularly well in his first two starts.This has caused a lot of angst and depression. I want you to put that into words:

Write a poem about your feelings on Josh Collmenter's performance thus far

This could be a haiku, a sonnet, free-form beat poetry, a madcap Dr. Seuss text, whatever. He pitches tonight, so there's a chance it could be a redemptive tale. Post your entries in the comments. Rec the ones you like (or consult with the local chapter of your Rec Giving Cabal). The top three rec-ipients get points. And points mean prizes!

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