The first full week of the season is in the books, and there were some significant changes this week, with a couple of teams coming close to whitewashing the opposition. Here's the quick results, details, standings and the next slate of games are after the jump,
AZ SnakePit 2, Alabama Slammers, 6
Mizzoula Osprey 9, CompleteGameShutout 1
Blonde Streaks 7, MyWieterGetzLongoria 2
Sofa King Juiced 7, Waffles 3
The Fighting Amish 2, Ignatius J. Rallies 7
Los Wailoracles 0, Lil Bitches 9
soco knows 5, Phoenix Platypi 4
However, stay tuned for a big announcement tomorrow that should be of interest to all fantasy sportsters, from the hardcore to the most casual...
AZ SnakePit 2, Alabama Slammers 6
The sides combined for 12 wins, but even the presence of Pitcher of the Week Nova (2 W, 15 K) for Snake couldn't help them, with the Slammers having a sub-two ERA and 1.03 WHIP. Kimbrel saved four, with starters Strasburg, Floyd and Minor allowing no earned runs. Swisher drove in seven for 'Pit.
Mizzoula Osprey 9, CompleteGameShutout 1
The reigning champion Osprey bounced back in no uncertain terms, winning every category bar Runs. Jansen vultured two wins in relief, while Aviles scored five runs and homered twice. Scherzer led all pitchers here, striking out 11 for Complete, who find themselves buried at the foot at the table.
Blonde Streaks 7, MyWieterGetzLongoria 2
The Streaks slugged their way to victory, pounding in 17 homers, behind Hitter of the Week Kemp, who had four HR, drove in eight and batted .455. That helped Blonde to an amazing .380 BA; Willingham also went deep three times. For Wieter, Granderson had two HR and Gordon stole four bases.
Sofa King Juiced 7, Waffles 3
Sofa leaned heaving on Young's three HR and seven RBI, with support from Trumbo (two HR, four R); on the mound, Wilson won both his starts for them. Young's teammate, Montero, also had two HR, driving in five for Waffles, while Marcum picked up a Win along with a dozen strikeouts.
The Fighting Amish 2, Ignatius J. Rallies 7
The Rallies came within one save of sweeping pitching, piling up 50 strikeouts along with a 1.02 WHIP, behind a W and 15 K's from Jackson. They also got three HR and eight R from Kinsler. Amish's Hamiton almost matched that, with three HR and seven R, but their team ERA was close to seven.
Los Wailoracles 0, Lil Bitches 9
One SB was all that separated Lil from total victory (to borrow a Ninja Warrior line!), and they roared to first place as a result. Guerra picked up a W and three Saves, Cain a W + 11 K, and they had the week's best ERA at 1.70. Encarnacion had three HR too. Castro had two SB + 6 RBI for Los.
soco knows 5, Phoenix Platypi 4
The week's closest game saw Home-runs end level at eight, and that was enough to give knows the win. Hitting was evenly split with Ethier, Pedroia (knows), Johnson and Freese (Platypi) all homering twice. But soco took K's by one, despite Hamels' 19 for Phoenix; Cahill notched a W + 11 K for the winners.
Standings
| Rank | Team | W-L-T | Pct | GB | Last | Waiver | Moves | |
| 1. | Lil Bitches | 13-5-2 | .700 | - | 9-0-1 | 2 | 2 | |
| 2. | Sofa King Juiced | 14-6-0 | .700 | - | 7-3-0 | 10 | 4 | |
| 3. | Mizzoula Osprey | 12-6-2 | .650 | 1 | 9-1-0 | 3 | 3 | |
| 4. | Blonde Streaks | 11-5-4 | .650 | 1 | 7-2-1 | 12 | 2 | |
| 5. | soco knows | 11-8-1 | .575 | 2.5 | 5-4-1 | 1 | 2 | |
| 6. | Alabama Slammers | 9-7-4 | .550 | 3 | 6-2-2 | 9 | 1 | |
| 7. | Ignatius J. Rallies | 10-9-1 | .525 | 3.5 | 7-2-1 | 14 | 4 | |
| 8. | Phoenix Platypi | 8-9-3 | .475 | 4.5 | 4-5-1 | 13 | 4 | |
| 9. | AZ SnakePit | 7-9-4 | .450 | 5 | 2-6-2 | 11 | 1 | |
| 10. | MyWieterGetzLongoria | 7-10-3 | .425 | 5.5 | 2-7-1 | 8 | 2 | |
| 11. | The Fighting Amish | 7-11-2 | .400 | 6 | 2-7-1 | 6 | 4 | |
| 12. | Waffles | 6-11-3 | .375 | 6.5 | 3-7-0 | 7 | 3 | |
| 13. | Los Wailoracles | 4-13-3 | .275 | 8.5 | 0-9-1 | 4 | 2 | |
| 14. | CompleteGameShutout | 5-15-0 | .250 | 9 | 1-9-0 | 5 | 4 |
Week 3 Games
AZ SnakePit vs. Blonde Streaks
Mizzoula Osprey vs. Alabama Slammers
Sofa King Juiced vs. MyWieterGetzLongoria
The Fighting Amish vs. Waffles
Los Wailoracles vs. Ignatius J. Rallies
soco knows vs. Lil Bitches
Phoenix Platypi vs. CompleteGameShutout
Lil Bitches vs. soco knows is the first ESPN Game of the Week. Encarnacion and Jones have been surprising stars for Lil thus far, with Guerra leading their pitchers out of the bullpen. The latter goes for soco too, with Chapman their best pitcher to date; they'll be looking to Ethier and Jackson to continue their strong start to the year.