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AZ SnakePit Fantasy Baseball, Week 12

By Jim McLennan

Smug feelings for whoever had Edwin Jackson on their team this week - though his WHIP wasn't quite what you might expect from a no-hitter. Still, here are the quick results, with full details from both leagues [tip of the hat to Wailord for Division 2] after the jump.

Division 1
Balco's Boys 4, Baked 5
Funny Team Name 7, Shoryukens! 3
The Fighting Amish 6, 7-2 Offsuiters 2
AZ SnakePit 5, Blonde Streaks 4
Sofa King Juiced 4, Moving on Uptons 6
NiceCrispyBacon 6, Lady Gaga Regatta 4
Confederate Generals 6, warlords 4

Division 2
DHARMA Initiative 4, Gang of Nine 5
Dantes Revenge 6, Mizzoula Osprey 4
Chazwozzles 1, Gotham City Knights 7
Spaghetti Monsters 4, Wimboes Barmy Army 4
Scratch my Ichiro 9, Sprankton 1
Tempe Prangers 6, Alabama Slammers 2
The Septimoes 5, PhoenixFly 4
The Cardboard Boxes 2, Yiddish Pimp Slap 8

DIVISION 1

Balco's Boys 4, Baked 5
Baked slid by Balco's in this B-feature: HR were level at four, and that proved the deciding category. Three of those for Baked came off the bat of Upton (the good one), who also scored six. Soria notched two crucial saves for them, while Figgins had seven SB for Balco's.

Funny Team Name 7, Shoryukens! 3
A little closer than it looked, with Funny taking HR and RBI by only one point apiece. Still, their pitching was clearly superior, taking ERA 2.89 to 6.51. Gallardo had a Win and 12 strikeouts, and Beltre two HR + seven R. Tejada hit .481 and drove in seven on Shoryu's side.

The Fighting Amish 6, 7-2 Offsuiters 2
SB and Saved each ended tied at three apiece, but Amish dominated pitching in the Game of the Week, with a Win and 13 K's for Latos their best performance on the mound. 7-2 got three homers apiece from Wells and Weeks, but Amish got the same from Pedroia and A-Rod, the latter driving in ten.

AZ SnakePit 5, Blonde Streaks 4
Guerrero and Jeter each scored seven runs for Snake, who hit .308 for the week. Jones also scored seven for Blonde, homering three times, who also got a Win and nine strikeouts from Sheets. Kershaw fanned 11 for Snake, and SB ended level, with only one each.

Sofa King Juiced 4, Moving on Uptons 6
Sofa piled up 11 HR (three apiece for Konerko and Rasmus) plus 53 K's (Rivera had two W + eight K's), but it wasn't enough, as the Uptons posted a 1.87 ERA and 0.90 team WHIP. Lester had a W + 15 K's for them, while Phillips hit .407 and scored six runs.

NiceCrispyBacon 6, Lady Gaga Regatta 4
Bacon had the best ERA of the week, at 1.66, and also a BA of .327. Choo homered four times on their behalf, while Dempster had a W + 16 strikeouts, and Fuentes + Jenks each saved three. Bell and Cordero combined to save seven for Lady; Kinsler drove in six.

Confederate Generals 6, warlords 4
Wright hit .500, with two HR and eight RBI for war, and Santan had two Wins and 13 strikeouts in a losing cause. The Generals got two home-runs and five crucial runs by Napoli, as well as the only save of the week from either team by Feliz; Andruz also hit .458.

Team W L T PCT GB Streak
The Fighting Amish 65 43 12 0.592 0 W2
7-2 Offsuiters 62 50 8 0.550 5 L2
Baked 61 53 6 0.533 7 W2
warlords 61 54 5 0.529 7.5 L1
Moving on Uptons 60 54 6 0.525 8 W1
Funny Team Name 55 51 14 0.517 9 W1
Blonde Streaks 58 55 7 0.512 9.5 L2
Sofa King Juiced 56 56 8 0.500 11 L1
AZ SnakePit 56 56 8 0.500 11 W2
NiceCrispyBacon 51 58 11 0.471 14.5 W1
Confederate Generals 50 60 10 0.458 16 W1
Balco's Boys 52 64 4 0.450 17 L2
Lady Gaga Regatta 49 62 9 0.446 17.5 L1
Shoryukens! 47 67 6 0.417 21 L1



Week 13 Games

Baked at Confederate Generals
Shoryukens! at AZ SnakePit
7-2 Offsuiters at Sofa King Juiced
Blonde Streaks at NiceCrispyBacon
Moving on Uptons at Balco's Boys
Lady Gaga Regatta at The Fighting Amish
warlords at Funny Team Name

DIVISION TWO

DHARMA Initiative 4, Gang of Nine 5
After a five-week losing streak, Nine finally manage to squeeze one out against a struggling DHARMA team. DHARMA's AVG struggles continue, batting under .225 for the second consecutive week, a stat that wasn't helped by newly-reacquainted Andrew McCutchen (DHARMA)'s 2/19 performance on the week. King Felix (DHARMA) also continues to show flashes of brilliance, throwing his second straight CG. Josh Johnson (Nine) threw eight innings of two-run ball with no Win to show for it, while Carlos Quentin somehow managed to hit four homers with 11RBI.

Dantes Revenge 6, Mizzoula Osprey 4
In a matchup between the fourth-worst and third-best team, the result was anything but expected: Revenge, fueled by Mitch Talbot's 14-inning, two-start, three-run performance. Though, I don't know how much of this was Revenge winning as the Osprey losing - Hamels, Zambano, Capps, Broxton, and Oswalt all had ERAs ranging from 6.94 to 36.00. Beltre (Mizzoula) hit two dingers, letting Mizzoula take the category by that amount, while both Wieters and Bobby Abreu knocked in five for Revenge (despite losing the category by six).

Chazwozzles 1, Gotham City Knights 7
Had it not been for a "successful" Sunday by Chaz, we would have seen our first 10-0 sweep of the season. Nonetheless, Gotham continue their undefeated season, with Vernon Wells and Michael Young combining for six homers. The combined four starts by Timmeh and Latos (Gotham) netted 24Ks and a combined 1.90ERA. Colby Rasmus continued a nice season for Chaz, belting three homers to go with his six ribbies, while some guy named Edwin or something threw a no-hitter for them, too. Fun fact: had Edwin not thrown the no-no, the final score would be 9-0 in this matchup. Egads.

Spaghetti Monsters 4, Wimboes Barmy Army 4
The Monsters seem to have come back down to earth this week after a 9-1 win last week, only managing a tie against the league's perennial cellar-dwellar (I'm sorry, Wimb). Jamie Moyer (Spaghetti) managed twelve strikeouts in two starts at the tender age of 96, while no Army pitcher had more than eight. Choo (Spaghetti) belted four with his eight RBIs and five runs, while both Good Upton and Pedroia smashed three homers of their own. Though, in case anyone thought things couldn't get worse for poor Wimb, as Pedroia began to seriously heat up, he's now gone for what some are claiming to be two months. Our hearts go out to you, brah.

Scratch my Ichiro 9, Sprankton 1
After it appeared Sprankton were turning the corner (reeling off three consecutive wins after going winless for the first seven weeks), they're now just 2-18 in the last two weeks. This one was pretty close to a 10-0 shutout, too; had Ichiro ended the week with three wins, it would have been. For Ichiro, Konerko, Weeks, and A-Rod all hit three jacks (srsly), combing for 22 RBIs between the three. Boesch still continues to be an excellent pickup for Sprankton, though, as he had two homers with seven RBIs himself. Ervin Santana had the only two wins for Sprankton, while Yovani Gallardo was responsible for the sole Win by Ichiro.

Tempe Prangers 6, Alabama Slammers 2
First-place Alabama beat up on the freefalling Prangers, winni-… wait, what? This can't be right - apparently Tempe (2-18 over the last two weeks) defeated Alabama, the first team to do so since Week 4 when Gotham edged out the Slammers. Despite suffering their worst loss of the season, . Luck just happened to be on Tempe's side this week: four of their pitchers were two-starters, enabling them to hit an incredible 79 strikeouts (Dempster, Lester, and Gio Gonzalez all hit double-digits). Price was the only one hit double digit K's for Alabama, and it came against us (shocker, I know). The Good LaRoche knocked in nine for Tempe, while Barton led Alabama with a measly six RBI.

The Septimoes 5, PhoenixFly 4
The only highlight in this matchup, standings-wise, is that it pitted two playoff-eligible teams together, and the result wasn't too fascinating. Septimoes barely edged out Phoenix, with Phoenix coming just an RBI away from a tie. Kershaw led Phoenix with eleven strikeouts in his two starts; for Septimoes, Billingsley tied the staff for second in Wins. Now, before you go all "HEY WAILORD YOU IDIOT BILLZ IS ON THE DL" on me, the only pitcher with a win on the team was Trevor Cahill, who threw a seven-inning shutout, so chill. David Wright (Septimoes) continued his fire-hot streak with two homers and eight ribbies, while super-prospect Carlos Santana (Phoenix) had two jacks with six ribbies himself.

The Cardboard Boxes 2, Yiddish Pimp Slap 8
Pimp Slap decided to see how it felt on the other side of an 8-2 blowout this week, and I'm sure it felt just fine. Adam Jones (Yiddish) decided to stick it to the team that drafted (and subsequently released him), hitting three bombs with six ribbies and seven runs. No one player for TCB hit more than one home run, though rookie Ike Davis managed to still tally seven RBIs. Bell (Yiddish) notched four saves without giving up a run, tallying four punchouts in the process. TCB's manager, BattleMoses, is clearly a no-nonsense guy: after Carmona's 5ER and 9H performance in under five innings, he was DFA'd. Maybe Yiddish can work his magic on Fausto, too.

Rank
Team
W-L-T
Pct
GB
1
Alabama Slammers
72-38-10
0.642
-
2
Gotham City Knights
69-40-11
0.621
2.5
3
Mizzoula Osprey
66-49-5
0.571
8.5
4
Scratch my Ichiro
65-49-6
0.567
9
5
Spaghetti Monsters
61-49-10
0.550
11
6
Tempe Prangers
62-53-5
0.538
12.5
7
The Septimoes
59-53-8
0.525
14
8
PhoenixFly
56-53-11
0.513
15.5
9
Yiddish Pimp Slap
56-58-6
0.492
18
10
DHARMA Initiative
56-58-6
0.492
18
11
The Cardboard Boxes
53-59-8
0.475
20
12
Gang of Nine
49-59-12
0.458
22
13
Dantes Revenge
52-63-5
0.454
22.5
14
Wimboes B. Army
39-68-13
0.379
31.5
15
Sprankton
42-71-7
0.379
31.5
16
Chazwozzles
34-71-15
0.346
35.5



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