AZ SnakePit 5, Blonde Streaks 4
GregSchulteOverdrive 4, Desert Dingleberries 5
Balco's Boys 2, Moving on Uptons 5
Captain Douchebag 7, Kapsaicin Kids 3
Arizona Muugens 3, Confederate Generals 6
Wimboes Barmy Army 7 Shoryukens! 2
7-2 Offsuiters 3, The Fighting Amish 6
warlords 6, Baked 4
Full report, standings, etc. after the jump.
Week 1 Results
AZ SnakePit 5, Blonde Streaks 4
Each team had nine home-runs, and that split was enough to give AZ overall victory - Swisher (7 R, 9 RBI) was their hitting star, though Blonde had the edge there, with three SB each from Hudson and Winn. On the mound, AZ hit back, through Young (2 wins, 12 K) and Verlander (12 K), while Beckett had a W and 15 K's for Blonde.
GregSchulteOverdrive 4, Desert Dingleberries 5
Desert pipped Guthrie, and have Cabrera (3 HR, 10 RBI, .520) largely to thank for that, as they piled up 11 HR; Figgins stole five bases for them. Pitching saw Greg get good numbers from Guthrie (2 Wins) and Peavy (18 K). while Bedard gave Greg a Win and 15 K's. Wins ended level at four apiece, and Desert just held on.
Balco's Boys 2, Moving on Uptons 5
Three categories - Runs, Wins and WHIP - ended tied, so this was closer than the score looked. The Uptons got three HR and 9 RBI from Pujols, and held their own in pitching, despite being an arm short - Zambrano gave them a W and 13 K. Balco got a W and 11 K from Dempster, while Cantu homered twice and drove in seven.
Captain Douchebag 7, Kapsaicin Kids 3
Douche swept hitting, as much due to Kids' lackluster offense (.216, 16 runs for the week) as their own skills, though Johnson had two HR and 6 RBI. Pitching was more evenly balanced, Kids getting a pair of wins as well as 15 K's from Johnson (Josh, not Randy). Still, Douche got two wins from Jurrjens and coasted to victory.
Arizona Muugens 3, Confederate Generals 6
Soriano had more HR (four) for the Generals than the entire Muugens line-up, who endured a power outage. Delgado had eight RBI in a winning cause, but Halladay gave Muugens two victories and Meche fanned 12. The Generals countered with three saves from Broxton and very solid team WHIP of just 1.11 for the week.
Wimboes Barmy Army 7 Shoryukens! 2
Wimb find themselves atop the league after the first round, and they took all five hitting points, behind Inge's four homers - Uggla had two homers and drove in six runs too. Pitching was evenly split: Shoryukens! got three saves from Bell, but Nolasco gave Wimb their only W and 8 K's, and the week's most emphatic victory.
7-2 Offsuiters 3, The Fighting Amish 6
Amish got off to a good start, out-slugging 7-2 - the sides combined for 21 homers. Tulowitzki and Cruz hammered three apiece for Amish, while Mora drove in seven for 7-2. Santana (Amish) led all pitchers with 20 strikeouts, but Soria's three saves for 7-2 gave them the category. Amish took both WHIP (1.06) and ERA (3.42).
warlords 6, Baked 4
Truly a game of two halves: warlords swept hitting, Baked came within 5 K's of sweeping pitching. However, warlords took strikeouts, behind 12 from Myers, and that was the margin of victory. They also had five players with a multi-homer week, but Longoria delivered the week's best hitting numbers for Baked: 5 HR, 10 RBI.
Standings
| Rank | Team | W-L-T | Pct | GB | Last | Waiver | Moves | |
| 1. | Wimboes Barmy Army | 7-2-1 | .750 | - | 7-2-1 | 2 | 3 | |
| 2. | Captain Douchebag | 7-3-0 | .700 | 0.5 | 7-3-0 | 6 | 3 | |
| 3. | The Fighting Amish | 6-3-1 | .650 | 1 | 6-3-1 | 3 | 6 | |
| 4. | Moving on Uptons | 5-2-3 | .650 | 1 | 5-2-3 | 11 | - | |
| 5. | Confederate Generals | 6-3-1 | .650 | 1 | 6-3-1 | 16 | 10 | |
| 6. | warlords | 6-4-0 | .600 | 1.5 | 6-4-0 | 8 | - | |
| 7. | AZ SnakePit | 5-4-1 | .550 | 2 | 5-4-1 | 10 | - | |
| 8. | Desert Dingleberries | 5-4-1 | .550 | 2 | 5-4-1 | 15 | 4 | |
| 9. | Blonde Streaks | 4-5-1 | .450 | 3 | 4-5-1 | 1 | - | |
| 10. | GregSchulteOverdrive | 4-5-1 | .450 | 3 | 4-5-1 | 13 | 2 | |
| 11. | Baked | 4-6-0 | .400 | 3.5 | 4-6-0 | 14 | 1 | |
| 12. | 7-2 Offsuiters | 3-6-1 | .350 | 4 | 3-6-1 | 7 | 2 | |
| 13. | Arizona Muugens | 3-6-1 | .350 | 4 | 3-6-1 | 9 | 2 | |
| 14. | Balco's Boys | 2-5-3 | .350 | 4 | 2-5-3 | 5 | - | |
| 15. | Kapsaicin Kids | 3-7-0 | .300 | 4.5 | 3-7-0 | 4 | 1 | |
| 16. | Shoryukens! | 2-7-1 | .250 | 5 | 2-7-1 | 12 | 2 |
Week 2 Games
AZ SnakePit vs. GregSchulteOverdrive
Blonde Streaks vs. Baked
Balco's Boys vs. Desert Dingleberries
Captain Douchebag vs. Moving on Uptons
Arizona Muugens vs. Kapsaicin Kids
Wimboes Barmy Army vs. Confederate Generals
7-2 Offsuiters vs. Shoryukens!
warlords vs. The Fighting Amish
The MLB Fantasy Network game of the week sees Wimboes Barmy Army take on the Confederate Generals. Both got off to solid starts, with a combined record in the opening week of 13-5-2, and used offense to get there. It'll be a showdown between two players who each hit four homers in their first week: Brandon Inge for Wimboes, and Alfonso Soriano for the Generals. Can either player repeat that performance? Tune in next Monday to find out...