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Wanna be a Rally-Back?

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The D-backs are looking for a few good men or women:

Rally-back Entertainment Team - Arizona Diamondbacks (Phoenix, AZ)

Status: Part-time w/no benefits

Descriptions:
The rally-backs are an interactive entertainment squad who performs various tasks at Arizona Diamondbacks home games and in the community. Game presentation activities include: crowd interaction, greeting fans, assisting with all live promotions, coordinating activities in the New Kid's Zone, t-shirt launches, prize giveaways and crowd prompts.

Qualifications:

  • Comfortable performing activities and interacting with fans
  • Outstanding communication skills and a positive, energetic personality
  • Availability to work during home games and other special events as needed
  • Reliable, punctual and courteous
  • Good listening skills and ability to work well with others
  • Ability to quickly and professionally respond to any situation
  • Athletic, cheerleading, pep squad background preferred
  • Ability to work a flexible schedule including days, nights, weekends, holidays etc.
  • Applicants must be 18 years or older
Instructions:
  • Must submit a resume, cover letter online explaining why you are interested in becoming a Rally-Back.
  • Applications must be received by Monday, February 11th.
  • Selection will be determined through a screening and audition process. For those accepted to audition, formal interviewing will be held at Chase Field.
  • Applicants must successfully pass a background check.
Note: When you apply for this job online, you will be required to answer the following questions:

    1. Yes/No: I have housing in or around the Phoenix area.
    2. Yes/No: I have had performed in front of large audiences.
    3. Yes/No: I have cheerleading or pep squad experience.

Closing Date: 2008-02-11


A few thoughts on the above. "No benefits"? I'd have said getting to watch D-backs games for free was quite a large benefit, but I imagine it means no vacation or health insurance. So what happens if an over-enthusiastic hot-dog race participant knocks you off the dugout? "A positive, energetic personality" should likely go with the territory in 2008, seeing as we are reigning division champions. Back in the 2004 season, this would have meant having access to copious amounts of crystal meth. Being a Rally-Back in those days would have been a real challenge, on the scale of being a Mitt Romney campaign booster.

Interested applicants should note that as well as being "comfortable interacting with fans", you need to be comfortable interacting with a creepy, irritating and anachronistic mascot like Baxter. Frankly, this realization was the end of my interest in becoming a Rally-Back. I'm also a little bit uncertain on what the point of "good listening skills" would be. A doctor, a priest or even technical support; they need good listening skills. Someone firing T-shirts into the stands... rather less so.

"Cheerleading, pep squad background preferred." Translated, this means "ugly mofos need not apply." Or, in Scottsdale terms, your teeth must have cost more than daddy's car, while you also need to be on first-name terms with your plastic surgeon before leaving your teenage years. Our two kids went to Chaparral. 'Nuff said. The whole 'over-18' thing isn't an issue either, given they seem to get fake IDs along with their driver's licenses too. But I digress. "Applicants must pass a background check." I trust this will be thorough enough to prevent any San Diego or Giants fans from sneaking through, to form some kind of Fifth Column, starting "Let's Go, Padres" chants among more easily-led spectators at Chase.

The Fielding Bible announced their awards for the 2007 season. This analyzes players and comes up with a number, which represents how many plays +/- they made, compared to the average for their position. Eric Byrnes led all left-fielders, with a +28; Scott Hairston was equal-sixth, at +11. Byrnes took the overall award for LF (gaining particularly high marks from the panel of judges for artistic impression). O-Dawg came second at 2B (rated +22, though that may have been average words-per-second too) while Snyder was ranked 10th among catchers (and I'll lay off the smart-ass remarks, since he does that martial-arts stuff and could take me down in a heartbeat).

Finally, beware of SnakePit impostors! AZSEAfan sent me the following email:

I was just curious and wanted to know if you happen to drive a Mercury Sable. I was heading home on the 101 yesterday and came up to a Sable with a DBack license plate with SNAKEPT. Wasn't sure if that might be you, Mrs. Snakepit, another poster, or just a coincidence.

Not us. We have a Blue PT Cruiser, and though it does have a D-backs plate [with the lowest number we've seen on the road to date!] it's not yet personalized: that will be coming when we renew the registration, in time for Spring Training. I am very curious as to who it was though: obviously, they're a D-backs fan, but I have no idea who. Maybe we have someone attempting to steal our identity, as in Single White Female. Which would be okay, only if it was Jennifer Jason Leigh, since I used to think she was kinda hot in a slutty sorta way. Back before I knew Mrs. SnakePit, he added hurriedly. :-)