By popular demand, here are explanations of some of the names, terms and other possibly confusing phrases you'll likely encounter during your stay here at the SnakePit. To regulars, these probably make sense, but for newcomers, it can be a little confusing when you read something like "Famine came in to relieve Pwnings." This should hopefully take care of such scenarios. It is a work in progress, and will likely be updated as and when necessary. Suggestions are welcome... Terms in gray are now outdated, and so less likely to be encountered, but you might find them in the archives, so we'll leave them defined here.
Hernandez v1.0 and v2.0 Orlando Hernandez pitched for the D-backs during the first half of 2006. He was traded to the Mets, but his younger brother Livan arrived from the Nationals later that season. To avoid confusion, Livan was labelled Hernandez 2.0, while Orlando became Hernandez 1.0. Even though there's still only one of them, the habit has kinda stuck. You may also see references to 'Easily Hittable Hernandez' - that's Livan's evil twin brother, who occasionally kidnaps Livan and appear in his stead.
Pwnings To "Own" is a gaming term, meaning to defeat soundly. The term "pwn" is also used as a more extreme version. After Micah Owings' debut - five innings of shutout, one-hit ball on April 6th, 2007 - he was anointed as Micah Pwnings, though usage of this name tends to vary, in direct proportion with how good he is pitching in any particular start.
The Four Relievers of the Apocalypse In the 2007 mid-season review, Peña, Valverde, Cruz and Lyon were tagged with this collective name, in recognition of their sterling performances during the first half. A debate subsequently followed as to which one was which. Because of his skinny stature, Cruz was dubbed Famine, and Peña became Pestileñce, due to the Pe- thing. Valverde is Death, since he's the last pitcher opposing teams see, and Lyon is War, partly in honor of noted warrior Richard the Lionheart, and partly because it was the only one left. Doug Slaten is an associate member, and is known as Sinister, since he's left-handed.
The Petit Unit hotclaws gets credit for this one, after Yusmeiro Petit entered the rotation, to replace Randy Johnson. In the GameDay Thread of July 3, 2007, she said, "Who needs a Big Unit when you have a Petit one?" and henceforth, he was named the Petit Unit. We should get T-shirts made.
St. Penelope of the Cross The patron saint of the SnakePit, who in her human form is known as Penelope Cruz. On July 14th, the posting of this picture in a Gameday Thread immediately broke up a Padres no-hitter. The Diamondbacks went on to come back from 4-0 down to take the game, and since then have, at time of writing, gone 13-7. The usage of St. Penelope is only permitted in cases of extreme need, and only by true believers. The icons of lesser figures, such as the Blessed Salma of Hayek, are subject to less restrictions.
Mark Reynolds Reynolds burst upon the scene in mid-May, hitting .459 in his first ten game, culminating in a 5-for-5 night against Houston. His hardcore legend was confirmed when he was knocked stone-cold out in a collision with Brandon Medders on May 29th, but came back to start the next game. Hence, the creation of Mark Reynolds Facts,
ripped off from inspired by Chuck Norris "facts". Example: there are no no-hitters. There are only games where Mark Reynolds hasn't batted yet. Mark is also referred to as 'Special K' because his at-bats tend to either be special, or K's.
The Uecker Line Speaking of which, this is our PC-approved version of the Mendoza line, after npineda complained, tongue-in-cheek, about the racial nature of the label in the April 10th Gameday Thread. It's actually more accurate, since Mario Mendoza's career average was actually .215, while Bob Uecker batted exactly .200 during his time in the majors. Uecker is, however, somewhat harder to spell, and is also generally worth less at Scrabble.
The Huge Manatee That would be Russ Ortiz, inspired by this macro. Though actually, the first usage of the term was after a play invoving Russ and Prince Fielder, during a game against the Brewers on April 7, 2006:
Ortiz also picked Fielder off second, which must have been an interesting sight, given neither man is exactly light [Ortiz is listed at 220 lbs, Fielder at 260 - I'm prepared to wager a bagful of donuts that both figures are on the optimistically, Ally McBeal side]. Seeing Fielder trying to dive back into second must have been like watching the Exxon Valdez attempt a handbrake turn. Oh, the huge manatee, shall we say... :-)
However, the name stuck to Ortiz like gravy on biscuits, and was entirely appropriate. After all, what's the difference between Russ Ortiz and a manatee? One floats around uselessly, stuffing its face and possessing all the baseball skills of a breeze-block...and the other's a manatee. By coincidence, Alec Baldwin did a PSA for manatees. The temptation to boot up SoundForge and "play" with it, is almost overpowering...
Carlos Quentin. Yes, we know. We should never have traded him to the White Sox. This has been gone over in so much depth here, that anyone mentioning the topic is now greeted with this picture:
Narwhals. Blame our rivals at Gaslamp Ball for this one, after they adopted a rainbow unicorn as their mascot. We didn't want something quite so...feminine, shall we say. Narwhals are just as pointy, but far cooler, and after their use triggered a significant winning streak last year, were duly enshrined as part of the pantheon here. Ideally, we want to see a movie in which Penelope Cruz rides on the back of a narwhal, but her agent has stopped returning our calls for some reason.