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New Site for Baseball Poetry

I've found a new site called Bardball that's really great.  They're trying to revive the art of "baseball doggerel," and are looking for writers to document their team's season in verse form.

Star-divide

If you can't think of anything new about the Barry Bonds situation, you might like to check out the "Barry Bonds Limerick Challenge" which has some great gems in it like this:

Barry Bonds put himself to the test,
To beat Babe Ruth's tally his quest.
TO be home run king,
He would try anything.
So what if he grew some huge breasts?

They don't have any poems yet for the Arizona Diamondbacks and are looking for some.  They want to memorialize the entire season across the country in verse form.  Check out their site at bardball.com and submit if you have some ideas.

Enjoy!

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Barry Bonds
A melonhead played for the Giants,
About steroids, he didn't mind lying,
With the Cream and the Clear,
Into pitchers he struck fear,
'Til into Balco, the law started prying.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 16, 2007 10:58 PM EDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Hehe
I like it.  You should submit it to bardball.com to add to their collection!

by faith on Jul 17, 2007 3:32 PM EDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I did. Last night.
And the guy who runs Bardball tracked me back to AZ Snakepit, which was a little disconcerting, since I hadn't mentioned it. I told him I'd try to think up poems about the Dbacks and Nats.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 17, 2007 7:14 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I changed the first line slightly though.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 17, 2007 7:23 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

He's a poet, and he didn't know it...
Hopefully, to find a better rhyme for Giants than "lying"?

Yeah, everyone's a critic... :-) I prefer haiku myself: a nice 5-7-5 meter, and no need to worry about this rhyming stuff!

by Jim McLennan on Jul 17, 2007 7:26 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Here was the final version, if I recall correctly
I'm too lazy to go back to the site and look it up.

The melonhead, he was a Giant,
About steroids, he didn't mind lyin',
     With the Cream and the Clear,
     Into pitchers he struck fear,
'Til into BALCO the law started pryin'.

Besides, I can't think of any better word to rhyme with that team than lyin'. :-P (With no apologies whatsoever to suitsmetoatnt)

Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 17, 2007 7:45 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

How about...
An overweight pitcher named Russ
Made Diamondbacks fans swear and cuss.
For eight million per year
He made us feel queer,
And wish he'd fall under a bus.

by Jim McLennan on Jul 17, 2007 7:28 PM EDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Most excellent. You should submit it.
Oh, and I'm with you regarding haikus.

We have the pitching.
We have the future talent.
Why can't we just hit?

Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 18, 2007 4:00 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Version 2.0
An overweight pitcher named Russ
Made Diamondbacks' fans swear and cuss.
Paid eight million to hurl,
He threw like a girl.
We wished he'd fall under a bus.

by Jim McLennan on Jul 19, 2007 11:06 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

A Lady Inquirer
She asked Hacks, "Haven't you heard?
We're crowded at first and at third."
Said I, "That aint no logjam.
Not one can hit, ma'am.
These claims of depth are absurd."

by Diamondhacks on Jul 18, 2007 5:15 PM EDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Cynical, as always.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 18, 2007 6:27 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Aww, you're just mad
...cuz everyone's poems are better than yours.

Take your own advice and "loosen up". You're too tight :-)  

by Diamondhacks on Jul 18, 2007 7:40 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I assume you were being facetious
What? It WAS cynical. Just sayin'.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 18, 2007 7:53 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I'm working on one
A cynical poster named Hacks
Had no interest in listening to facts...

Still needs work. :-P Anyone know a good rhyme for Colangelo?

by Jim McLennan on Jul 18, 2007 8:04 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

can hardly wait.... : - P
Had no interest in listening to facts

lol. I like facts as much as the next guy, it's assertions I take issue with.

Anyone know a good rhyme for Colangelo?

Not me - and I've been vexed by this conundrum for years.  

Tangelo

grand fellow

Michaelangelo

sigh

by Diamondhacks on Jul 19, 2007 3:02 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Yes, I was trying to be clever...
...or facetious, in terms of word choice, but the gist of the poem, the "message", was quite serious. (Things are generally funny, I think, to the extent they're grounded in truth.)

And the truth is, my effort isnt any more "facetious" or "cynical" or "out there" or "negative" or "a stretch" than yours on Bonds. Which is fine. It's just that when I throw mine into the ring, it's branded as "cynical".

Now, that's funny :-)

by Diamondhacks on Jul 19, 2007 2:45 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Oh really?
Hokay, so...

I do assume that you know that "facetious" and "clever" are not the same thing.

Anyway, my apparently lousy (to Diamondhacks) poetry aside...

Firstly, I didn't deny that your poem was clever. I thought it was, actually. I just mentioned that it was cynical, to which you took offense.

Secondly, I find it amusing that you should choose to defend: '"We're crowded at first and at third."
Said I, "That aint no logjam.
Not one can hit, ma'am.
' the night after Mark Reynolds, who happens to play 3rd base, goes deep for three runs and wins the game for us. Or don't you follow Dbacks games anymore?

Finally, you're free to call my Barry Bonds Limerick "cynical"; I suppose in the context of myself being a fan of the game, one could make the argument. The difference is, I have never ever claimed to be a fan of Barry Bonds. Indeed I disliked him before the steroids scandal emerged. But my point that Bonds took steroids and lied about it has been supported by evidence, (Game of Shadows, etc.) whereas your assertion seems to be that our team is just shitty. It's one thing to criticize Bonds, but it's totally another thing to claim to be the fan of a team, and then proceed to say only negative things about said team. Additionally, there was nothing facetious about my poem. The entire thing was serious.

Oh, and Jim? Still haven't thought of anything that rhymes with Colangelo, but....

There once was an owner named Colangelo,
Who thought the Dbacks played in Los Angeles...

Los Angeles being the disparaging phrase, of course. Unbridled spending doesn't work outside of the largest markets, where you have unlimited budgets...

Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 19, 2007 4:33 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

We can quibble about...
...the relative veracity of our poems; my hyperbole about "absurd" Dbacks depth, yours that Bonds only strikes fear into pitchers due to PEDS - but that's not really the point.

The point is, I let your hyperbole slide - it's a forum for rhymes, for goodness sake. You didnt extend the same courtesy,and while I appreciate the subsequent damage control, downplaying your remarks as "just an observation", I dont believe that was your original intent.

I just mentioned that it was cynical, to which you took offense.

Not quite. I took offense - enough to respond with a dig of my own with a smiley face attached - to the dismissive, shoot the messenger tone of "cynical,as always".  

You started this.

But my point that Bonds took steroids and lied about it has been supported by evidence, (Game of Shadows, etc.) whereas your assertion seems to be that our team is just shitty.

You want evidence that this team is shitty? lol. Now who's being facetious? Our fine moderator has chronicled the shittiness for you on a daily basis, with an appropriate degree of resignation, I might add.  

Also, your Colangelo - LA connection is priceless, considering Derrick Hall honed his nauseating schtick with the Dodgers and Moorad lives in Newport Beach. I realize unbridled spending cant last forever(although it was mighty nice while it lasted), but these new guys are quintessential Angelinos.  

by Diamondhacks on Jul 19, 2007 7:24 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Er...
[ You want evidence that this team is shitty? lol. Now who's being facetious? Our fine moderator has chronicled the shittiness for you on a daily basis, with an appropriate degree of resignation, I might add. ]

Shitty? Hardly. Even after today's disaster, we're still comfortably above .500. Room for improvement? Hell, yes: but we remain on pace for a win total not surpassed here since our last division title in 2002 - that's a long way short of "shitty", and few here would say otherwise. Try by the bay if you want an example of "shitty" in our division.

by Jim McLennan on Jul 19, 2007 11:13 PM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

rearranging deck chairs
Even after today's disaster, we're still comfortably above .500.

Oh Jim, you slay me. It has nothing to do with "today's disaster" and you know it. Even Nick Piecoro, who I think we all respect, describes the team as "freefalling". What is it, 13 of 17 now?  

Comfortably above .500?

Isnt this about as uncomfortable and tenuous a .500 team as can possibly be? By almost any conceivable measure: the ridiculously bad pythag (worse than the Royals, Reds or beloved Giants), recent cracks in the rotation and pen, 2nd half schedule, 2nd half history of EByrnes, 2nd half history of BoMel,  the kids 3.25 rpg under Rick Schu...?

Sure, the W/L record "counts", but to assert they're "on pace" for more than another season of unrealized expectations - at this juncture - seems like wishful, rather than robust, thinking.  

"Shitty" was skins word. I dont recall calling the DBacks that, specifically, despite his generalization regarding my posts. I've used 'paper tiger' - I suspect we'll be hauling  out 'non-competitive' any day now :-)

I thought I was preaching to the choir on this, but maybe not. Let's see what unfolds in the second half. I could be wrong.

by Diamondhacks on Jul 21, 2007 12:44 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Expectations?
[ Sure, the W/L record "counts", but to assert they're "on pace" for more than another season of unrealized expectations - at this juncture - seems like wishful, rather than robust, thinking. ]

"Counts"? Actually, it's the ONLY thing that matters. Nobody would give a damn if they were batting .150, if they were leading the division. Just win, baby. I'm quite surprised I have to point this out. Weep and wail about Pythagorean deficiencies all you want: It. Doesn't. Matter. This is, basically, the same team who went 16-11 in April - and then, 16-12 in May. No reason they can't turn it around and go 16-12 in August and 16-11 in September.

As for those unrealized expectations...whose were those? Not mine, nor anyone here. If anyone predicted us to run away with the division, I must have missed that memo. Almost every preview I saw before the season expected a three-way race, with the Giants dead last. The Rockies have done better than expected, but that's been about the extent of it. Certainly, some players have not performed as well as hoped; but others have over-performed. Nature of the beast, especially when dealing with young players.

The really sad thing is seeing you revel in the current situation. Little wonder your status as a genuine fan is called into question so frequently, when you can't even write a limerick without getting snarky.

by Jim McLennan on Jul 21, 2007 11:48 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Regarding W/L
...the ONLY thing that matters, I imagine to both of us, is the final record, not the current one, which is merely one of several forward looking indicators (like pythag) towards that end.  

Apparently, you missed my "I could be wrong" -about the 2nd half. Anything can happen, metaphysically speaking, and I never said otherwise - but to hear you, all of a sudden, argue there's " No reason they can't turn it around and go 16-12 in August and 16-11 in September", after you've been wailing despondently about the team for weeks, polling others if the season is already "over" and quoting our 3% playoff chances on BPro, it sounds like creating a fight with me here over nothing is more important to you than your credibility.

If anyone predicted us to run away with the division, I must have missed that memo.

Again, who are you trying to kid with this strawman? I suggested nothing of the kind.

As for those unrealized expectations...whose were those? Not mine, nor anyone here.

"Unrealized expectations" was a forward looking statement concerning the end of this season - how could I have spelled it out any more clearly? I believe they have a tough road ahead. I think it's unlikely they'll make the playoffs.  Your personal expectation of wins in the mid eighties is, IMO, in considerable jeopardy. Real earth shattering, contrarian stuff here from that cynical, fact-challenged "Diamondhacks" ;-)  

The really sad thing is seeing you revel in the current situation.

From where you sit, it may seem like revelry, but I'm actually not happy with the current situation.

by Diamondhacks on Jul 22, 2007 12:59 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Great Expectations
[ Your personal expectation of wins in the mid eighties is, IMO, in considerable jeopardy. Real earth shattering, contrarian stuff here from that cynical, fact-challenged "Diamondhacks" ;-) ]

Looking rather better now, isn't it? :-) I mean, 1.5 games off the lead, half-a-game out of the wild-card, and on pace for 87 wins. Just goes to show how tight the race really is.

Anyway. Real purpose of this post is, I'm disappointed to see that though I got an email from the Bardball guy about my limerick, and it's no longer on the submissions page, the AZ Diamondbacks quota is still stuck at zero. I mean, if you're going to spam blogs soliciting submissions, the least you can do is use them...

by Jim McLennan on Jul 26, 2007 12:31 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Perhaps you didn't understand...
Hmm, I think I'll begin my response in roughly reverse order from yours.

Firstly, my point should have been well taken because you picked up the emphasis on unbridled spending, however, if it was, then it was ignored. Hall and Moorad, et al, may be from SoCal but they're trying to run the team like one from NorCal-- the A's. They're following the moneyball model, rather than that of the previous administration, which drew more from the mindset of the Dodgers or Red Sox or any New York or Chicago team. (Don't even TRY to link Josh Byrnes to the Red Sox... that's just as irrelevant as linking Hall and Moorad to LA) That's how Colangelo ran us into the ground. Of COURSE I'll give him credit for being the driving force behind Major League Baseball coming to our state, and of course I'll give him credit for the World Series, and he may be an Arizona state hero, (I'm a Tucsonan so I won't say Phoenician hero :-P ) but when he left, he left the cupboard bare. Remember, this is also a man that, in combined decades of pro sports team general managing and ownership between the Suns and Dbacks (mostly the Suns) has a grand total of 3 championship appearances, and 1 victory. Even then, we won the '01 World Series despite the lousy managing of Bob Brenly, a Colangelo hire. (I still love Brenly, don't worry. But he was NOT the best manager.)

Next, I think most baseball fans and observers would agree that what I said was based in fact. If you want, I'll concede that pitchers feared Bonds even before he started shooting the 'roids. But I wouldn't characterize anything I said as being hyperbole. Again, you essentially just wrote a poem talking entirely subjectively about how lousy our team is. You do this time and time again. You call yourself a fan of this team, yet your username is "Diamondhacks". Have you ever said anything positive about the team, whatsoever? That is the very definition of cynicism. I think I was absolutely justified in calling your entry cynical, and I think I am absolutely justified in calling you a cynic. And no, I was NEVER about shooting the messenger. My criticism regarded the message.

This team is experiencing growing pains. Remember, we ARE the youngest team in the majors. As somebody stated earlier today, the reason that, as fans, we're all so distraught now is that the illusion was formed early in the season that we might contend, with all this youth. We ARE, despite our rough patches as of late. There was a point at which we even had the best record in the NL. But this is a growing team, a team playing for the future. To call it just shitty is to express an extreme impatience to traditional team-building.

"You started this." Hmm, that's a really mature argument. Then again, we ARE arguing in an online forum about baseball poems. (As you noted) I don't really have any moral high ground in this regard. ;-)

Finally-- HOW can you take issue with my characterization of your poem and equate it with mine, when mine criticized a player on THE TEAM'S GREATEST RIVAL and yours criticized YOUR (SUPPOSED) TEAM. Who's the cynic?

You SHOULD let my supposed hyperbole slide... I was writing about the most hated player in the game, and one of our major rivals. You were writing about the team I love, while simultaneously calling yourself a fan. There's a big difference.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I had a grin, not a scowl, on my face, when I wrote "Cynical, as always."

Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 20, 2007 3:21 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

From One Fan to Another
Skins,

good response. from the top:

I didnt ignore your point about L.A. spending, I acknowledged it and made a counterpoint about Moorad & Hall's LA sensibilities, which are manifested in everything from ticket prices, erasure of the team colors,etc. (subject for a different thread?)

Your characterization of Jerry's ownership performance and legacy is, IMO, "cynical" to the max, but that doesnt make me question your fandom. Championships dont grow on trees, and there are broader - and frankly better - measures of success, by which Jerry was an unequivocal winner. He hardly 'left the cupboard bare'- that's another Kendrick myth. And Jerry's albatross, that boilerplate $250M figure, is sourced to Kendrick and subject to scrutiny. (Even the US congress couldnt get a straight answer about MLB club finances.) Please dont take this to mean I dont think Jerry overspent or there wasnt a significant problem. There was. As to how significantly this burdened the new regime, however, relative to their self imposed restrictions, is debatable. My position on his legacy here

I dont have an issue with your poem. I have an issue with your claim that mine is cynical, or hyperbole, and yours somehow less so because Barry's hated or a rival,etc. Your claim that his fearsomeness is primarily a function of PEDs is more fantasy than anything I rhymed. Yet you insist yours is "based in fact" while I " essentially just wrote a poem talking entirely subjectively about how lousy our team is", when I did nothing of the sort.  

I very specifically made fun of the so called CI "logjam", which I see as an FO euphemism for, "We're too cheap or lazy to get a good first baseman". (subject for a different thread). It's funny because its TRUE (with the iffy exception of Reynolds that you noted). We have lousy first basemen - three of em. Get used to it :-)

I'm honestly perplexed how you think my poem is  incompatible with being a Diamondbacks fan. I'm a critical fan. I just dont see how that makes me less of one. It's true I despise the current front office. From my vantage point, they've made unbelievable blunders, especially off the field. They're clearly more committed to, and adept at, making money than to winning, despite protests to the contrary. I find Hall, Moorad and Kendrick to be consistently disingenuous in their public statements. I do like Josh Byrnes and basically think he works for a bunch of jerks and phonies. I like the open roof. I like the fireworks. I like Carlos Quentin. I like that they didnt sign Barry Zito. I like that they gave away 6000 tickets on Opening Day. But there's easily a hundred things I dislike about this FO. It's not just the losing or "rebuilding", it goes much deeper than that for me.(subject for another thread).  

But this is a growing team, a team playing for the future.

That explains it. They dont appear to be playing for the present ;-)

To call it just shitty is to express an extreme impatience to traditional team-building.

Let's review. They started with an overdrawn, injured, very bad team with a rich farm system and huge trade bait in Randy Johnson, and in three short years they've put their heads together, made some trades, committed hundreds of millions of dollars to their players, and parlayed all of that into... the worst hitting team within the sorriest NL in memory, including two or three markets that are little more than minor league affiliates.

How patient do you want me to be?    

Oh, and for what it's worth, I had a grin, not a scowl, on my face, when I wrote "Cynical, as always."

ok, ok. maybe I misinterpreted your intent. no hard feelings.

how 'bout them Diamondbacks?

by Diamondhacks on Jul 21, 2007 3:52 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Firstly....
I want to apologize in that I feel that each of my responses so far have been more vitriolic and condescending than I intended when I set out to write them. I also commend you for not responding in kind. And perhaps I did overstep the line in questioning whether or not you are a fan. You're unpatriotic, war protester!!

I'll grant your point about the ticket and concession prices, although I grudgingly disagree about the new colors. However, I don't really think that's exactly an LA thing. It's a baseball thing. You could say the same thing about the cheapness of the ownership of the Devil Rays, or apply it to another sport and talk about the Cincinnati Bengals, neither of whom are major market teams.

I granted Jerry credit for the WS. However, the strategy to overspend now so we'll get a fanbase later, well, it produced pretty mixed results. If the fanbase grows enough that the increased revenues will cover your debt, then you're a genius. If you win the World Series that way, that's impressive too. However, I think it was an unsustainable strategy in the first place. Jerry may not have "left the cupboard bare" completely, in terms of prospects in the minors, etc., but I can't think of very many different ways of "leaving the cupboard bare" than losing 111 games, convincing your Hall of Fame pitcher to demand a trade, and now, 3 years later, having... what? Chad Tracy and Brandon Webb to show for it? Kenny boy and his gang of minions were right to scale back the budget. I'd still take making a deal with the devil and winning the greatest World Series of the 21st century, followed by a steady downturn, over having nothing to show for our time in the bigs, (like the Rockies, Devil Rays, etc.) but, damn... there has to be another way to win and KEEP winning.

All in all, this is a tempest in a teacup. I'm not even sure what we're arguing about anymore. Let's call a truce and keep rooting for the snakes to turn it around. After all, we've now won three in a row. :-)

Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 24, 2007 4:03 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Who knew
Poetry could stir such strong feelings? Wordsworth would be proud. :-)

by Jim McLennan on Jul 19, 2007 11:08 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Just wanted to point out...
It was never intended to be a direct criticism, but an observation.
Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You're too tight.

by DbacksSkins on Jul 19, 2007 4:36 AM EDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

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