Pit Your Wits Week 7: Choose Your Own Adventure

HEY KIDS - Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE

YOU FINE YOURSELF FLOATING BEFORE THE EVENT HORIZON. YOU SEE YOUR CREWMATES STRETCH OUT AND FREEZE, THEIR FACES TWISTED IN TORMENT. TURN TO PAGE 193 TO MOVE PAST THE EVENT HORIZON. TURN TO PAGE 59 TO USE THEIR BODIES AS LEVERAGE TO ESCAPE THE BLACK HOLE.

Last week I challenged you to write a treatment for a TV show based on the Diamondbacks season so far. Let's take a look at the winners, shall we?

Gold-star_medium

[Br]eaking [Ba]ll

Life was going well for clubhouse chemistry expert Kevin Tower, until the team got a terrifying diagnosis: clubhouse cancer. He turns to a life of crime, pillaging the team’s farm system and teaming with his former bench coach, Kirk Gibson, to expand his baseball empire, while his boss, Ken Kendrick, becomes increasingly suspicious of his GM’s moves, as Towers and Gibson try to fend off rival cartels teams and win the division. An epic catastrophe for everyone involved turns into a fascinating downward spiral you can’t look away.

"To manufactured triumph!"

Silver-star_medium

Storage Hunters

KT keeps opening random lockers hoping to find hidden treasures without spending too much on piles of junk. In some episodes he is cunningly out bid by others because he always thinks old is better. An "expert " each week over values the potential of what he’s bought but it somehow never quite works out in reality. Occasionally he breaks a piece nullifying it’s value immediately. At the end of each show,he always ends up to be the loser.

The spin off ,General Hospital, shows the detailed surgery needed to get his head from up his arse.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
Jim Bouton

Bronze-star_medium

Doctor UCL

A time-travelling alien wanders from planet to planet having adventures, and frequently being joined by a sidekick, frequently a baseball manager, because he appreciates arguments about how best to hide pine tar. He is convinced that he has the secret to healing all elbow injuries in his sonic scalpel, and takes to abducting pitchers to work on their injuries. Sadly, unlike THE Doctor, he is absolutely terrible at what he does, and is to blame for the increase in UCL injuries.

He also tried to operate on Gibby’s knees. A mistake in that operation did give Gibby brief supernatural power, which significantly helped him in October of 1988, but has rendered him relatively incapable of walking at this point. In exchange for this mishap, he takes Gibby to a distant planet. In exchange for injuring Patrick Corbin and David Hernandez, he also takes KT there. He leaves both of them there in partial payment of his debt to Diamondbacks fans.

Then, he travels back in time to learn how to fix the problems he has caused, and becomes Dr. James Andrews.

Heath Bell Syndrome is like the Chicken Pox. Even if you get rid of it, it comes back as the Shingles of bullpen failures.
Will buy dinner for the next D-back to convert 10 straight save opportunities.

by preston.salisbury on Apr 24, 2014 | 10:09 AM

After 6 weeks here are the standings:

Name Gold Silver Bronze Total Points
kishi 5 0 0 15
Diamondhacks 2 1 0 8
Clefo 1 1 0 5
imstillhungry95 0 2 0 4
AzRattler 0 0 4 4
Moranall 0 1 1 3
4 Corners Fan 0 1 0 2
Jim McLennan 0 1 0 2
benhat 0 1 0 2
piratedan7 0 1 0 2
blank_38 0 1 0 2
SenSurround 0 1 0 2
Opoohwan 0 1 0 2
Xipooo 0 1 0 2
Fangdango 0 1 0 2
preston.salisbury 0 0 2 2
hotclaws 0 2 0 2
PR151 0 0 1 1

Kishi is running with it so far, but I have faith in the rest of you.


Look, FSN, I'm perfectly fine not being a super fan, or maybe even a fan at all, if it means that the creeper that is Baxter T. Mascot never wakes up next to me. Who thought this was a good promo? Hey, that gives me an idea for this week's prompt...

You wake up and see Baxter T. Mascot is in bed next to you. What do you do next?

asdf

Baxter might earn himself a restraining order, but don't restrain yourself from reccing the best responses!

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