I understand that this is a fairly well-respected site in the realm of Diamondbacks internet, and I will soldier on to recap yet another stinker by the 2014 Arizona Diamondbacks, but man it's not easy.
Wade Miley took on Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Franklin Morales in hot Lefty on Lefty matchup. Wade Miley had never received a loss against the Rockies before tonight. This is not subtle foreshadowing.
Miley gave up the first run of the game on a Carlos Gonzalez double-but-thrown-out-trying-to-stretch-it-to-a-triple-but-the-run-still-scored-because-that-is-how-life-works to make it 1-0 Rockies in the first frame.
In the bottom of the second, something magical happened. Gerardo Parra hit a Home Run. You might be thinking, "Hey, he does that occasionally, I mean, it's cool, but not really worthy of that hyperbole' THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG, FAKE STRAW-PERSON. Franklin Morales is a lefty and....
That was #Dbacks Parra's first HR off a LHP since connecting off Colorado's Drew Pomeranz on Oct. 1, 2012— Jack Magruder (@JackMagruder) April 29, 2014
However, this began an endless spiral of booze, pills, and the Rockies re-taking the lead after the Diamondbacks tied it. The first instance of this would happen in the form of a Troy Tulowitzki RBI double that scored two runs in the top of the third. In the bottom of the third, the D'Backs would get those two runs back after a Miguel Montero sac-fly that scored Martin Prado, and an Aaron Hill single that scored Paul Goldschmidt to make it 3-3 square.
How long would the game remained tied? If you guessed "up until the next half-inning", congratulations! Nolan Arenado and Jordan Pacheco would each double off of Miley to make it 4-3 Rockies. The Diamondbacks tied it back up at 4 in the bottom of the fifth on a Goldy RBI groundout that scored Prado.
The sixth was the inning that broke the camel's back for Miley. Tulo lead off with a solo homer to give the Rockies the lead again. This was aggravated by a Arenado single that was followed by another homer from Justin Morneau to make it 7-4.
The D'Backs added on in the seventh on a Miguel Montero single to make it 7-5. The Rockies, being the jerks that they are, added another run in the ninth off of Joe Thatcher. The D'Backs did absolutely nothing in their final two at-bats and ergo they lost.
Srlpanel: Prado (+22.8%)
Benzene-Hoarding-Hobo Nick Nolte: Miley (-59.6%)
The most rec'd comment in the GDT was by me, and it seems gauche to make that COTN, and it 'wasn't anything I haven't said here.
These two teams play tomorrow, at about the same time. So you can watch if you want. Me? Well I think I'll just go to bed and- What's that, bottle of bourbon? You're offering me unconditional love that the Diamondbacks aren't? Well, how can I say no?