Diamondbacks 2, Mets 5: What to do with all these brooms...

Christian Petersen

Another day, another loss, another sweep. Uh, these guys don't seem to be doing too well at their jobs.

Record: 4-14 Pace: 36-126
Change on 2013: -6
Change on 2004: -3

Look, everyone. This baseball thing? I know, I know. It's America's national pastime. But so is invading other countries on a flimsy pretext, and let's be honest, neither of those has worked out so well for us lately. So, I've got a new plan. Not for the invasion thing, but for the Diamondbacks.

Quidditch.

Look, I know what you're saying. "That's a pretend sport, there's no professional quidditch league out there." Well, I say to you, if Harry Potter and quidditch are made up, how did I just enroll to take classes at Hogwarts online today? Checkmate, non-nerds.

I really think we've got the makings of a good team here. Tony Campana seems like an obvious choice to our seeker- guy's got speed, and that's what we need. Paul Goldschmidt may seem like a natural fit at beater- paired with Mark Trumbo, naturally- but I might actually slot him in at keeper. He's shown us he can play good defense, and I think his humble, 'all for the team' attitude would make him perfect. I'd go with Cody Ross for our second beater. With those beady, evil eyes, he's probably already got contacts in the wizarding world, thanks to his demonic pact.

For our chasers, I think Aaron Hill is a good fit here. I see him as the team captain sort, directing traffic for the rest of the players. Gerardo Parra would be a great choice, too- with that cannon of an arm, he's going to be able to catch opposing keeper's off guard, firing the quaffle in from further away than they expect. And I'd go with Josh Collmenter as our third chaser. His over the top throwing angle will play well, and I think he'll be able to shake off the bludger, should it slip past our beaters.

Yup, I think we've got the makings of a good team here. Someone get some broomsticks, redecorate Chase Field, and we're in business.

Until then, he typed with a heavy sigh, I guess we should still talk about baseball, 'cause Jim won't let me cast obliviate on myself after this game.

It didn't start well, with Brandon McCarthy walking the first batter of the game to put Eric Young on first. Young then helped himself to second, since the Diamondbacks have been somewhat less than optimal lately. Fortunately, the Mets couldn't do much with it, stranding Young on third without bringing in the run. Whew.

That was kind of the high point of the game.

After watching the DBacks offense go down 1-2-3 to Dillon Gee in the bottom of the first, McCarthy went back out in the second and got two quick outs... Before giving up a solo home run to Anthony Recker. Another K ended the Mets second, but the DBacks flailed at Gee again, going down in order.

The third inning gave Eric Young another stolen base, and left him stranded before another 1-2-3 inning for Gee. In the top of the fourth, though, New York broke out the bats again. Ike Davis led off with a single and then a double from Andrew Brown put two on with nobody out. Kirk Nieuwenhuis put up a sac fly to score Davis, McCarthy got Recker to strike out swinging, and after intentionally walking Ruben Tejada to load the bases, Dillon Gee lined out to center to end the inning. 2-0, Mets.

And then the DBacks went down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the inning.

Yeah, Gee had four perfect innings against us, and got the first two outs in the fifth before a Martin Prado doubled in the fifth to break it up. But he couldn't move any further, and Brandon McCarthy entered the sixth to run into some more trouble. A lead-off single to Andrew Brown was followed by a one-out double from Anthony Recker. Tejada was intentionally walked again to load the bases and set up the double play, but no luck. Dillon Gee grounded to first on a ball that deflected off Goldy's glove, and we could only get one out with Brown scoring from third for a 3-0 lead. Joe Thatcher came in to finish the inning, ending Brandon McCarthy's outing, and got a backwards K against Eric Young.

The only notable news from the sixth was Gerardo Parra being thrown out to end the inning, trying to stretch a single into a double. The seventh didn't offer much more, unless you're into David Wright stealing second against us or Paul Goldschmidt doubling. Neither runner made it past second, though. The eighth inning gave us a little hope- Dillon Gee was pulled for a pinch hitter in the top of the inning, and Kyle Farnsworth wasn't quite as effective. Prado led off the inning with a single, and took second on a one-out single from Tony Campana. But nothing else happened, and we went to the ninth, with Addison Reed taking the mound.

It got messy.

Eric Young bounced a ball back to Reed to start the inning, and Reed responded with a terrible throw to first, letting Young not only reach safely, but advance all the way to third. A Daniel Murphy single scored Young, and then when Murphy tried to swipe second, Miguel Montero's throw ended up in center field, putting Murphy on third base. He scored on a David Wright single, and we were suddenly down 5-0 with three outs to go. Jose Valverde came in to shut down the DBacks, and while he may have struggled, giving up solo home runs to Aaron Hill and Paul Goldschmidt, he still had plenty of cushion, and closed out the game easily.

Accio FanGraphs!

Source: FanGraphs
Outstanding: Martin Prado (+7.4%)
Exceeds Expectations: Paul Goldschmidt (+4.1%), Joe Thatcher (+2.5%)
Troll: Chad Pennington (-12.5%)

Special mention to Chad Pennington for getting three outs on the first three pitches he saw.

A pretty active thread for an afternoon game that was radio only in Arizona. JoeCB1991 led the comments, coming close to the three digit mark. SenSurround and TolkienBard held second and third respectively. Also dropping by: Airwave, AzRattler, Azreous, Backin'the'Backs, BattleMoses, BulldogsNotZags, Circa4life, Clefo, Craig from Az, Diamondhacks, Fangdango, GODSCHMIDT, GuruB, Jim McLennan, Makakilo, Moranall, PR151, Scott Howard, Shawnwck, Turambar, Xipooo, Zavada's Moustache, asteroid, azcougs, benhat, cheese1213, frienetic, hotclaws, imstillhungry95, kishi, ljones2468, onedotfive, preston.salisbury, and xmet. And while the DBacks offense might have taken their sweet time showing up, that's not the case for JoeCB1991, who took comment of the day for his simple greeting in the first post of the GDT:

Greetings fellow masochists!

Cards/Bears/Suns/D-Backs/Yotes/Sun Devils

Carson Palmer, he goes long

So the team comes home and goes 0-6. And now we're off to LA to face the Dodgers. At least we don't play tomorrow? Keep your heads up, DBacks fans. We'll survive this.

I mean, personally. The careers of some of the people involved with the team, I don't know... But forget about baseball! What do you guys think about this quidditch idea?

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