Snakebytes 5/14: Chris Johnson Returns!

Norm Hall

The long-anticipated return of a former Diamondback has come to pass, and for once, the excitement lived up to the pregame hype. Chris Johnson went 3-for-4 with a home run and 3 RBI. I bet Kevin Towers regrets trading him!

Quotes of the Day

“Tonight was the Justin Show.”

- Former Diamondback Chris Johnson

“The minute we made the deal I turned the page. I’m sure Justin did as well. I’m happy with the guys we got back in the deal. I’m happy that Justin is having success. I like our team. I like the way it’s constructed. I like the way they play. Regardless of what’s happened, I still have 100 percent conviction that it was the right decision.”

- Kevin Towers

Diamondbacks Links

Atlanta Braves' Justin Upton gets upper hand in powerful return against Arizona Diamondbacks

Justin Upton is officially the girl who got really hot after you dumped her. Maybe you wanted to see what else was out there and you were worried you were too young to be tied down. Now you're at Safeway wearing sweatpants and buying Hot Cheetos and beer and only Hot Cheetos and beer and your ex is coming down the aisle. Did she get a gym membership? Where'd she get all these new clothes? Her new boyfriend must be loaded. So what if I got a little chubby, in some cultures a belly is a sign of prosperity, plus sweatpants are super versatile and comfortable and these ones have pockets so I can store all my stuff. What I'm trying to say is that Justin Upton is good at baseball.

Upton’s triumphant return; Parra’s throw; farm report; & other stuff | Insiders

More amateur psychology being practiced in this article. Gerardo Parra had a funny bit going with Justin Upton, which is worth a read.

Atlanta Braves' Justin Upton says he has no hard feelings about Arizona Diamondbacks

This article is a little pointless to read after the fact, but it is far and away the best "How does Justin Upton feel about returning to Arizona?" article published. Most have probably read it, but Nick Piecoro really got Upton to open up and it's a great piece.

Didi Gregorius, Paul Goldschmidt bringing excitement to Arizona Diamondbacks

Dan Bickely dusted off his cliche machine to bring us this piece on how Didi Gregorious is a "live-wire" and Paul Goldschmidt is an aw-schucks superstar. It's so convenient that professional athletes can be so simply reduced to well-worn archetypes. Such a time saver! Do you know how much time it would take for Dan Bickley to write an article if he couldn't Find/Replace "Luis Gonzales" with "Paul Goldschmidt?" Such a spark plug that Dan Bickley. Such a gritty/humble/hardworking/naturally gifted/fiery/smooth/talented writer! He really plays the writing game the right way.

Around the League

Josh Hamilton turns to prayer for a power boost. | SportsonEarth.com

Some interesting insight into Josh Hamilton's habit of attributing even the most mundane baseball occurrences to God.

Bryce Harper Ignores Warning Track, Smashes Face Against Wall

Oof.

Marginalia

Mark Reynolds is an excellent fielder.

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