Diamondbacks 10, Rockies 7: The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes.

Hi, everybody! Mariner Housewife here as your guest recapper. I'm delighted to be at your National League party and I am not even going to make a joke about how cute it is when your pitchers bat. (It is though, seriously, it is so adorable, right?) So the D-backs took the third game in a row from the Rockies, getting themselves right on track for the sweep! (Oh man, I just jinxed it right there didn't I. You guys are gonna be so mad at me tomorrow.) They certainly didn't make it easy on us. In fact, there were several times when they appeared to be actively trying to make us uncomfortable. It's almost like they had a meeting about it beforehand or something. Gibby: "Now go out there and make this exciting. Don't just win the game outright, give the fans some drama! Give 'em a show, give their blood pressure a jolt!" Justin Upton: "I am one hundred percent on board with this plan, coach." An unexpected catcher and a pair of ruby slippers- um, ruby peep-toe heels- were a surprising part of the story too.

I imagine someone has come up with a formula to calculate the varying degrees of Win Satisfaction dependent on what team you just beat. The Rockies lost their ninth game in a row today (probably gonna be ten tomorrow!) (If I say it enough times can I pull an un-jinx?) and are staggering toward the end of the season with essentially a Junior Varsity team. Anyone you had ever heard of on that team is probably injured. Anybody else is slumping. They're the baseball equivalent of George Michael from Arrested Development walking dejectedly to the tune of "Christmastime Is Here." So it's not like beating up on the Giants or anything. But a win is a win! Even over the Saddest Team since the Astros! Am I depressing you? Shoot, let's just get on with it.

Final - 9.23.2012 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E
Arizona Diamondbacks 0 2 0 0 1 0 0 4 3 10 16 1
Colorado Rockies 0 0 0 0 3 1 0 0 3 7 16 0
WP: Matt Albers (1 - 1)
SV: J.J. Putz (32)
LP: Matt Belisle (3 - 8)

Ian Kennedy immediately hopped aboard the "let's make everybody a little nervous" train by hitting the first batter he faced, and then walking another guy a little later. The inning lasted forEVER but ended without any major damage, with Justin Upton calmly wandering over to nab a Chris Nelson fly that stayed in the air for roughly an hour. And for the next few innings, Kennedy looked pretty good. Either that, or the Rockies looked pretty bad. Probably a bit of both.

The second inning was a little scary too. I have some bad news for you about Chris Johnson. He got hit by a pitch- right on the hand, YOUCH- and he had to leave the game. I haven't been able to find out much more about the injury but here's what I think: the trainer came out and talked to him for a while, and it took some time for them to decide whether or not he was going to stay in the game, which I feel like is a good sign? Like, he didn't go down in tears or anything where you're like "UH-ohhhhh..." and there are visible bones and stuff. Nope, he just took his base, and then the trainer came out and was probably all, "hey, how ya doin' champ, why doncha sit this one out, just to be on the safe side," and Chris was all, "but COOO-ooach..." and the trainer was all, "now don't give me any guff young man, I want you healthy for the playoffs!" and then everyone had a good laugh. And while they were still chuckling, some stuff happened and we scored two runs, so I think we can assume that everything will be just fine.

It was around this time that we all got to see Jody's Red Shoes. In case you're not familiar with Jody's Red Shoes, first of all they are SO PRETTY and number two, they are lucky. Oh, and painful. Is luck always painful? Discuss among yourselves. Jody, in case you don't know, is the Diamondbacks' adorable sideline reporter, and she has these rad peep-toe red heels with the Diamondbacks logo on it. I don't know where she got them- maybe complimentary high heels with your team logo on them is a common perk for sports reporters, only most of them are like, "well, no thank you, I am male, but that was a thoughtful offer". Anyhow, this is the third game in a row where she has worn these babies, and you do the math!

So in the bottom of the fifth, the Rockies started acting like they were a team who might win games, which frankly I found really rude. Coincidentally, Justin Upton started acting like he was angry at right field. Are you okay Justin? Did you need a nap or something? He was playing right with all the enthusiasm of my seven-year-old cleaning his room. Technically he only had one error- which did lead to a run scoring- but man, that guy looked kinda terrible out there. By the time the inning was over, the Rockies had tied the game, and by the end of the sixth they had taken a 4-3 lead. We were starting to doubt the great power of Jody's Shoes! It was a terrible time for us all.

Here's a fun fact for you-if you aren't paying a hundred percent attention, "Matt Albers" sounds a lot like "Fat Albert" and then you think, well that was kind of a rude thing to say. But then they show his name and you're like, ohhh okay, I get it now. (In retrospect maybe "fun" was kind of overselling it.) Anyhow Albers came in to pitch, leaving Kennedy to look miserable in the dugout. And guess what! Albers did fine! That wasn't the exciting part of the inning though, because as you'll recall from the end of my last paragraph, we were not currently winning. The 8th inning put a stop to that not-winning nonsense with an RBI by Mike Jacobs, and then a seriously very beautiful three-run homer by the beloved Aaron Hill. (Is he beloved? You guys would know better than me. He seems sweet, so I kind of assumed.) Aaron The Beloved had three hits today, he looked great.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you- guess who wasn't starting today! I'll give you a hint, it's a guy that usually starts, and is a catcher, and his name rhymes with Twiguel Twontero. (Note to self, hang on to Twiguel Twontero as possible Rock Star Alias.) Weird right? Instead of Montero, today's catcher was Wil "How You Like Me Now" Nieves, playing against his former team and looking for all intents and purposes like an ex that you dumped and then immediately became attractive and successful. He went four for five with a double and an RBI, great job! I hope his mom and dad were watching this game! And here is some bonus insider info for you, especially if you are a lady or a gay man- he is quite a good looking fellow. He seems to have worked through some of his issues with ill-advised facial hair which is a relief for us all. And speaking of relief, don't worry because we all got to see Montero during the game as a pinch hitter. He came in to strike out swinging real quick. Points for brevity Mr. Montero! Nice to see you, have a great evening!

We scored three more runs in the ninth, making it a 10-4 game. Seems pretty much in the bag! Let's relax, crack open a beer, pop the lever on the La-Z-Boy and just chill! NO. Nope. Sorry. I'm sorry but this recap is not even over yet. (Ten points for every tl;dr comment. I've earned it!) So what happened was, Saito came in to pitch the ninth and just started giving up a BUNCH of hits, just all over the place. It was ridiculous, just like Upton's continued abuse of his right field position! Ugh! Did you take slow pills or something today Justin? Were you doing an improv sketch where you pretend to be moving through jello? It was concerning. Just when things were getting scary- the Rockies scored three runs in the bottom of the ninth!?- in came the conquering hero. The Real Closer, Mr. JJ Putz, long adored by me ever since his tenure in Seattle, came in to get his 32nd save and put a stop to the Rockies poor pretend attempt to win. Thank goodness! The Shoes still work!

[Click to enlarge, at]
Dorothy: Aaron Hill, +49.7%
The Munchkins: Jacobs, +27.1%; Nieves, +12.8%
The Wicked Witch of the West: Adam Eaton, -24.9%
Flying Monkeys: Kennedy, -13.8%; Kubel, -11.7%

soco cracked 50 to lead the commenters, with 4 Corners Fan and clefo hot on his (ruby) heels. Also present were hotclaws, Jim McLennan, MarinerHousewife, xmet, onedotfive, AzDbackfanInDc, Lisalisa8, dbacks79, txzona, blank_38, BrokeNBattleX, SongBird, snakecharmer, coldblueAZ and GuruB. It was a fun and lively GDT, filled with good nice people as always, since this is sincerely one of the coolest and funnest and sweetest groups of fans on the internet. I'm choosing soco for my comment of the day because it covers two of my favorite things: correct italicization (real word? probably not) and The Shoes.


in your face Gonzo, for doubting the shoes.

by soco on Sep 23, 2012 3:20 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs

"Well I used to be disgusted. Now I try to be amused." I'd be really surprised if Elvis Costello knew how applicable his lyrics could be to our feelings about our darling Diamondbacks. At this point in the season, we've got to look at each game as a little piece of summer that we have to gaze longingly at for as long as it will let us. Of course, there are still the playoffs- all we have to do is win every single game and hope that every other team loses all their games forever and we are IN!! I hope to see you tomorrow for the sweep, and definitive proof that "jinxing" is not real (oh NO I totally just super-jinxed it...).

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