Pit Your Wits Week 15: Go For The Gold(Schmidt)

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That's right, 'Pit Your Wits is a great product. Where else can you get all of these clever bits in one place for one low price? Call now, and you will receive last week's results after the jump ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Last week, we were supposed to come up with weird/funny headlines for post-trade deadline D'Backs. Let's go to it, shall we?

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Gold goes to imstillhungry95 with this:

"MIKE ZAGURSKI TRADED FOR BOX OF DONUTS"

"He’s disappointed he won’t get any. News at 10"

R.I.P. Ray Bradbury August 22, 1920 - June 5, 2012

by imstillhungry95 on Jul 18, 2012 12:13 PM MST reply actions 5 recs


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Silver is shared between kishi and SenSurruond.

kishi:

Kevin Towers Deadline Shocker: "Maybe veterans are a little overrated"

Even if you're right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not "one plus two plus one plus one."

by kishi on Jul 18, 2012 12:03 PM MST reply actions 3 recs


SenSurround:

"Even after a month, Suns fans still feeling jilted by Steve Nash"

"Also, Justin Upton was traded, or something"

"How much money can we offer Brandon Lyon without making him suspicious?"

by SenSurround on Jul 18, 2012 2:11 PM MST reply actions 3 recs


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Third place is shared between three people. Wait, third... three? ZOMG CONSPIRACY! hotclaws, 4 Corners Fan, and Zavada's Moustache each get a point.

hotclaws:

"Sutton is back,sex change successful"

"Grace has to be restrained in booth"

♯♩♪ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way ♫♬♭♮

by hotclaws on Jul 18, 2012 3:22 PM MST reply actions 2 recs


4 Corners Fan:

Trevor Bauer traded for Adam LaRoche

with the hopes that this time, hotclaws and 4CornersFan will warm to him. "C’mon girls, give the guy a chance!", says Kevin Towers.

Life's a dance you learn as you go.

by 4 Corners Fan on Jul 18, 2012 4:52 PM MST reply actions 2 recs


Zavada's Moustache:

Towers Trades Relievers for Upton.

"In a shocking move that represents the exact opposite of what much of the fanbase wanted, Towers made a move for BJ Upton, giving up LHP Mike Zagurski and RHP Jonathan Albaladejo in the process. AZCentral released an official statement simply saying, ‘NO THIS ISN’T WAT WE WANTED @ ALL SHOULD OF TRADED THE OTHER UPTON (sic throughout)’"

"When asked to comment, Towers was quoted as saying, "Haters gon’ hate." before blasting ‘How You Like Me Now’ by The Heavy, lighting a cigar and riding a unicorn into the sunset."

Free Daron Sutton.

by Zavada's Moustache on Jul 18, 2012 5:59 PM MST reply actions 2 recs


And now, a bunch of names followed by numbers:

Person Points
kishi 27
blank_38 22
Bryn21 18
luckycc 16
SenSurround 12
imstillhungry95 11
soco 9
piratedan7 9
Nonpartisan 9
Zavada's Moustache 7
jjwaltrip 6
aclaritymaven 6
Fangdango 6
hotclaws 5
Diamondhacks 4
Jim McLennan 3
Rockkstarr12 3
BulldogsNotZags 1
PR151 1
jinnah 1
since98 1
4 Corners Fan 1

The Olympics are starting this week, and through some weird political maneuvering, the Diamondbacks are their own sovereign nation and can send a delegation to the games. The DOC has decided to send these five players:

Justin Upton
Mike Zagurski

Which individual Summer Olympic events (actual ones, I will check) do you enter these guys in and why? How do they do?

Use those five players (but feel free to include other players as tertiary characters in your write-ups). And if you ask: "WHY DIDN'T U INCLUDE (insert random player here) U HATER!" my response is: I don't care.

Post your entries, rec the other entries you like, and the top three rec-getters get points.

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