FanPost

Real J-Up Escapes Mystery Kidnappers, Returns to Duty





<!Sources within the D'back front office confirm what should have been obvious to anyone watching the first third of the 2012 season. That was a NOT Justin Upton staggering around right field and waving helplessly at pitching he normally crushes! Details of the plot and and its resolution are sketchy at best but there are three main theories. 1. Stolen by faeries and replaced by a changling 2. Abducted by aliens with substitution by a (not-very) lifelike robot 3. Kinapped by the MLB Commisioner's Office as a quid pro quo to the new Dodger ownership for overpaying so outrageously. The identity of the impersonator is not known but clearly he never played ball above the Little League level. -- extended entry -->

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