Diamondbacks 2, Indians 6: No Unicorns Today

Oh, man, I don't know why I bothered to sit and watch that whole game. It started out poorly and then just dragged on and on as the game continued. Hey, at least it's over. I can move on, and pity the poor fool who has to recap this travesty of a ga-

Oh no.

Really, guys, I don't know if you want to bother with this. There's bad pitching, painful defense, questionable pitching choices, and a distinct lack of offense lying behind this jump. You might want to go watch Eric Byrnes knock Harold Reynolds to the ground instead. Really, consider what you're doing here. But if you really feel like it, here's what we suffered through this afternoon.

At this point, I'm assuming it's just Jim and my mom reading to make sure I actually recapped this thing. Fine, but let the record show I did it begrudgingly.

So how did the game start off? Badly. Sure, Zach Duke gave us a little bit of hope, striking out the first batter he faced on three strikes, but it all went downhill from there. The Indians strung together three straight singles, ending with Carlos Santana bring in Orlando Cabrera for the first run of the afternoon. 

Meanwhile, the Diamondbacks just seemed lethargic through the first few innings. Well, through the whole game, but it was especially bad in the early going. Our offense was silent, with Ryan Roberts being our only baserunner in the first three innings, thanks to a hit-by-pitch.

We looked bad on defense, too. The second inning saw a failed attempt to turn a double play and Justin Upton giving a free base to Michael Brantley as he tried to catch the runner at the plate. Brantley came around to score, too, as the Indians took a 3-0 lead. In the top of the third, Ryan Roberts found he wasn't safe from the ball on defense, either, as a bad bounce on a grounder deflected off his face. All in all, the Indians were plinking us to death- by the end of the third, they had a 4-0 lead, having hit eight singles.

The fourth brought us a little hope- Zach Duke put up his first scoreless inning, and then in the bottom of the inning, faster than you could say "goat risotto," Upton belted a pitch to deep left-center field to break up the no-hitter and the shutout, cutting the Indians lead to 4-1. Carlos Carrasco seemed like he might be a bit rattled, following up the homer by hitting Chris Young with a pitch, but the Diamondbacks weren't able to do anything with it.

Zach Duke came out in the fifth and gave us his best inning yet, sitting the Indians down 1-2-3, going out on a high note, as he was pulled for a pinch hitter in the bottom of the inning. His line on the game, though, was dreadfully unimpressive. As was the performance of his pinch hitter- as Melvin Mora whiffed, I'm sure Duke was thinking he could have done that.

The Indians threatened to score in the sixth, starting with a leadoff double and a sacrifice bunt, but Aaron Heilman came in to keep the game close. I know, I'm confused, too. Stephen Drew lead off the bottom of the inning by dropping on into the visitor's bullpen for his fifth home run on the season, and we were within two runs. The Indians threatened against Heilman in the seventh before he was pulled for Alberto Castillo. Castillo put up a walk to load the bases, but he got a swinging K to end the inning and keep it close. Would we see another appearance from our Arizona Comebacks?

In a word, no. The Diamondbacks started to crumble again, putting up little more effort than we've seen in defending the Oxford comma today. A two-out double by Gerardo Parra and a pinch-hit appearance from Wily Mo Pena may have jumpstarted our hearts and our hopes for a few moments, but some questionable strike calls and a flailing swing reminded us why Wily Mo was a minor league contract this year. Yhency Brazoban made his first appearance for the Diamondbacks in the eighth, and as we made sure we were spelling his name correctly, he gave up another run. The offense managed nothing more than a single walk in the last two innings, and a run allowed by David Hernandez in the ninth left us on the wrong end of a 6-2 score.

Ugh. The Diamondbacks only managed four hits all game- I think Harry Doyle sums up my feelings here, as well as a pretty apt comment on our activity in the gameday thread in the late innings:

Hero: Aaron Heilman (+6.9%)
Villain of the Piece: Zach Duke (-16.9%)

Yeah, not a lot of positive contributions to this one from the team. Duke certainly wasn't helped out by some lackadaisical defense and some bad luck, but he didn't do too much to help himself, either. 

In the thread, we ended just around 800 comments. Not bad for an afternoon game where we managed about six comments over the last inning. justin1985 took top comments on the day, with imstillhungry95 joining him as the only other poster in triple digits. Also commenting are Backin'the'Backs, Bcawz, 4 Corners Fan, hotclaws, kishi, Clefo, Jim McLennan, IHateSouthBend, Jdub220, Gildo, rfffr, Zavada's Moustache, txzona, AZDBACKR, egboyz, Cup Noodles, SongBird, piratedan7, ZonaBacks10, DiamondbacksWIn, dbacksfann, pygalgia, Skii, Coach Cleats, snakecharmer, x met, Pyromnc, iheartdbacks, Azreous, JoeCB1991, blue bulldog, NASCARbernet, jinnah, and Gibbysdad. Not a lot of green comments today, so we'll give the award today to piratedan7, for this comment.

MLB Gameday stat line on Duke

Bats:L/Throws:L/Sucks:Y

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

by piratedan7

So we drop the series, fall further behind the Giants, and sit back to hope that the Cubs can show a bit more spirit than we managed to. Great. A day off tomorrow as we travel to Oakland, at least we can nurse our wounds a bit until then.