Snakepit Fantasy Baseball, Week 7

Didn't realize it's an off day for the Diamondbacks today, which came as a nice surprise, since I was trying to work out how to watch the game and the last-ever episode of 24 tonight. Fortunately, we'll be able to pay full attention to Jack Bauer, which is only fitting, since we first heard of him in an endless series of Fox adverts during the 2001 World Series. We'll miss you, Jack. Anyway, here's the quick results: details, standings and a look forward are in their usual, post-jump spot.

Funny Team Name 6, NiceCrispyBacon 2
Shoryukens! 6, warlords 4
7-2 Offsuiters 7, Balco's Boys 3
Blonde Streaks 4, Baked 6
AZ SnakePit 5, Sofa King Juiced 5
Lady Gaga Regatta 8, Moving on Uptons 1
Confederate Generals 6, The Fighting Amish 2

Now with extra added Division 2 recaps!

Week 7 Results

Funny Team Name 6, NiceCrispyBacon 2
Wins and Saves ended tied, but it was Funny's pitching, posting a collective 2.41 ERA that led them to victory, blanking Bacon in the other mound categories. Marmol notched three Saves, and Johnson two Wins and nine K's. Young had two HR and seven RBI for Bacon.

Shoryukens! 6, warlords 4
Shoryu continued their climb to respectability with another victory. Hunter had three HR and scored nine for them, and Rodriguez grabbed three Saves. But spare a though for war's Cain, who allowed two runs over 14 innings - and still got tagged with two losses.

7-2 Offsuiters 7, Balco's Boys 3
Closer than it looks, with 7-2 taking HR and SB by one, and RBI by two. Rolen and Tulowitzki combined for six HR and 15 RBI, while Franklin notched a W and two Sv. Boys batted .350 as a team, and Wagner got two Wins and a Save, and Vasquez also had two W's.

Blonde Streaks 4, Baked 6
Baked swept the hitting points, and Streak almost all the pitching ones - but Baked took Wins by one, and hence overall victory. They got two HR and eight RBI by Young, and Pelfrey's two Wins proved crucial. Streaks got 13 K's from Sheets and three Sv by Broxton.

AZ SnakePit 5, Sofa King Juiced 5
The Game of the Week lived up to billing, the two sides proving inseparable. They combined for 23 homers: Youkilis (Snake) and Bautista (Sofa) each swatting four. Things were just as well-matched in pitching: Gonzalez (Sofa) got two W's and Qualls (Snake) three Sv.

Lady Gaga Regatta 8, Moving on Uptons 1
The week's biggest blowout was a shock, 12th-ranked Lady derailing second-placed Uptons in relentless fashion. Three home-runs from Blake and two by Werth, each with six RBI, powered the offense; Santana had a W + 9 K's. Hernandez's 12 K's gave Uptons their point.

Confederate Generals 6, The Fighting Amish 2
Amish retained top spot in the league, despite their first defeat of the season. They batted .328 and had a WHIP of 1.09, but those were their only victories. Generals got four HR from Napoli, driving in nine runs; Jackson had two W and 21 K's, while Richard got two W + 11 K's.

Standings

Team W L T PCT GB Streak
The Fighting Amish 41 23 6 0.629 0 W1
AZ SnakePit 39 28 3 0.579 3.5 L3
Sofa King Juiced 37 28 5 0.564 4.5 W3
Blonde Streaks 36 30 4 0.543 6 W1
Baked 35 30 5 0.536 6.5 L1
Moving on Uptons 35 30 5 0.536 6.5 L1
7-2 Offsuiters 36 33 1 0.521 7.5 W1
Lady Gaga Regatta 31 34 5 0.479 10.5 W1
Funny Team Name 29 32 9 0.479 10.5 W1
Shoryukens! 31 35 4 0.471 11 W2
Confederate Generals 29 35 6 0.457 12 L1
warlords 29 37 4 0.443 13 L2
NiceCrispyBacon 24 40 6 0.386 17 L1
Balco's Boys 26 43 1 0.379 17.5 L1

 

Week 8 Games

The Fighting Amish at Funny Team Name
Baked at Shoryukens!
Confederate Generals at 7-2 Offsuiters
Moving on Uptons at Blonde Streaks
NiceCrispyBacon at AZ SnakePit
Balco's Boys at Lady Gaga Regatta
Sofa King Juiced at warlords

Moving on Uptons at Blonde Streaks will be the MLB Network Game of the Week. Blonde will be leaning heavily on their pitching staff, where only Matsuzaka has an ERA above three. Morales (10 HR, 34 RBI) leads their offense. Uptons will seek to rebound with their lights-out bullpen - Capps and Valverde have combined for 27 saves already - and will look to see Pujols (one HR last 14 days) rebound.

[CBSSports.com is an SB Nation partner and paying sponsor of the SB Nation baseball communities. This post is one of a series of sponsor endorsed posts related to the CBSSports.com Fantasy Baseball Commissioner League.]

Division 2 Recaps

Wimboes Barmy Army 1, Mizzoula Osprey 9
The biggest blowout of the week went to Mizzoula, who nearly blanked the Barmy Army. All that stood between Mizzoula and a clean sweep was a few wins (3-2 in favor of the Army). The rest of the categories, for the most part, were blowouts, the highlight of which being the 10-3 HR advantage Mizzoula, due in part to Torri Hunter’s three-HR week. Jason Bay (Army) added two jacks to keep the numbers respectable.

Alabama Slammers 8, Yiddish Pimp Slap 2
The first-place Slammers flexed their muscle over Yiddish, sweeping all five pitching categories and a majority of the hitting (dropping just HR and RBI). Carl Crawford and Martin Prado (Slammers) combined for 17R, 8RBI, and 5SB, while José Bautista added 3HR and 7RBI for Yiddish. Billy Wagner (Slammers) added two wins and a save, while Heath Bell (Yiddish) notched two saves with a 0.00ERA.

Dantes Revenge 7, PhoenixFly 2
Dantes handed Phoenix his biggest defeat of the season, going undefeated in offensive categories (tying in home runs). Dantes pitching staff was headlined by Johnny Cueto’s 2.08ERA and Clayton Richard’s sparkling 1.29ERA, both of which combined to notch 23K’s. ZOMGSanchez added 11 for Phoenix, while Qualls’ 3 saves helped take the category. Ben Zobrist added 7RBI and 3SB for Dantes, while CY and Joey Votto (Phoenix) combined for 16RBI and 2SB.

Spaghetti Monsters 5, The Septimoes 4
The closest matchup the week featured an MVP performance from Nelson Cruz (Spaghetti), who tallied 5R, 2HR, 12RBI, and 2SB to lead his team to a narrow victory, his .458BA enabling Spaghetti to take AVG by just a single point. Justin Morneau (Septimoes) put in 2HR and 9RBI in a losing effort. Mármol (Spaghetti) recorded his team’s three saves, while K-Rod and Brian Fuentes (Septimoes) combined for their team’s five.

Scratch my Ichiro 2, Tempe Prangers 8
Tempe dropped just two categories this week (HR and SV), catapulting themselves to second place, handing Ichiro their biggest loss of the season. Gallardo and Haren (Ichiro) accounted for half of their team’s 36 K’s, while Tempe had four hurlers tally eight or more. A-Rod, Willingham, Peña and Droooo were most of the Ichiro offense, the four putting in 7HR,19RBI, and 15R. Victor Martinez (Tempe) added 3HR while hitting .440 on the week.

Sprankton 3, child please 6
Sprankton continued their winless streak, going 0-6-1 this season. Sheets pitched well, managing to nab 13K’s on the week (with no wins to show for it, despite a 2.84ERA). Pelfrey (child) managed two wins with just 8K’s, the leader in the team’s disappointing 26K showing this week. Youkilis (child) went flat-out crazy, hitting .409 (assisting in child’s 3-point AVG victory) with 8R, 4HR, and 10RBI, while Toolo and Werth (Sprankton) combined for 5HR and 12RBI.

Gotham City Knights 6, Gang of Nine 4
Don’t let the score deceive you: this matchup wasn’t all that close. Nine couldn’t tally a save this week, despite putting up a crazy 64K week, largely due to Duke (10) and Millwood (15), dwarfing Gotham’s 35, as no pitcher tallied more than seven for the Knights. Gotham took HR by four, as Napoli hit three bombs to go with 7RBI. Nine’s Vladimir Guerrero added three jacks as well.

A Tangled Webb 6, Chazwozzles 3
Fairly lousy stats put up all-around in this matchup, with 6HR, 31RBI, 3SV, and a 4.21ERA all that was required for the individual winners for each category. King Felix and Edwin Jackson (Chazwozzles) hurled an unbelievable combined total of thirty-three strikeouts, with Phil Hughes (Chaz Wozzles) adding ten more. No Webb pitcher managed more than seven. Andrew Bailey (Webb) threw a scoreless week with two saves to show for it. Papi added 5RBI to lead Webb, while both Carlos Gómez and J-Hey added five themselves for Chazwozzles.

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