Diamondbacks 2, Cardinals 4: The Tragedy of the Arizona Diamondbacks

Y'know, I sat here mulling how to do this recap in a way that could do our recent play justice. Regardless of the result, I thought, we should all be entitled to experience the rollercoaster ride that is the 2010 Diamondbacks, whether we could watch the game or not. Obviously, we haven't been watching fluid games; we've been watching the beginning of the game and the end of the game. I guess I'll just have to replicate that for you all- so, I have here for all of us, a new screenwrite from The Lord Wailord's Men. I call it The Tragedy of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Hit the jump, and let's get this thing rolling...

CURTAIN UP

BEGIN ACT ONE: DIAMONDBACKS 0, CARDINALS 0

The game didn't start off on the greatest note for Rodrigo Lopez- the first two Cardinals singled to bring up Pujols, who, fortunately, flew out to deepish center. The play doubled its awesomeness when Young beamed it over to Reynolds to catch the tagging Schumacher- the throw was offline, so the base was vacant. Skip took just a moment to hold up and hesitate- that's all it took, and Reynolds dove into the sliding runner to nab the much-cooler-than-normal double play. This seemingly echoed the rest of Lopez's pitching; the Redbirds got runners on base, but couldn't get them home, ala 2009's Diamondbacks.

Arizona's bats were hot as soon as the game started, despite being opposed by with the red-hot Brad Penny. After a Kelly Johnson (batting leadoff) lineout to start the bottom of the first, Drew quickly rapped one into left. After a Justin Upton strikeout, LaRoche belted a ground-rule double into right (something that ended up working against the Diamondbacks- it bounced *above* the yellow line, but Drew could have scored instead of being held up at third), a point quickly rendered moot by Reynolds' first double of the season, a blast into center over Colby Rasmus' head.

In the fifth, after walking Ludwick, the leadoff batter (oh-and-by-the-way, after striking out Pujols), Matt Holiday blasted one into left to knot the game up at 2. The Green Lantern (thank me later, kishi) managed to get out of the inning, though, stopping the bleeding quickly and keeping the game locked at 2. While effective when he needed to be, Lopez still ran a higher-than-liked pitch count, something that ended his night after seven innings and 102 pitches. He left with a more than respectable line, continuing a recent trend of Diamondbacks starters- 7IP, 7H, 2ER, 4BB, 3K, not to mention Pujols finished 0-3 with a walk against him.

All was quiet on the Western Front for Arizona until the seventh- after a Snydes single and a failed Augie bunt, KJ rapped one into right on a hit-and-run, moving Augie to third. The Baseball Gods apparently realized we hadn't hit our futility quota, though, and Droo grounded into the 6-3 double play. So ends Act One - and in comes the bullpen. Find out what happens next in ... The Tragedy of the Arizona Diamondbacks: Act II.

END ACT ONE: DIAMONDBACKS 2, CARDINALS 2

CURTAIN DOWN

*  *  *

BEGIN ACT TWO: DIAMONDBACKS 2, CARDINALS 2

CURTAIN UP

Sent in to hold the game at 2-2, Blaine Boyer came into the game in the eighth to face Colby Rasmus. Realizing that he was now facing a member of our bullpen, Colby quickly got on base for the first time of the night, sending a double into center. After a sac-bunt by ex-Dback Felipe Lopez, a LaRoche error let Molina reach first, but more importantly allowed the Redbirds to take the 3-2 lead. Brendan Ryan lined out to KJ, who, doing his best Droo impersonation, sent the ball into the dugout, allowing Molina to advance to third. The threat ended here, though, as Nick Stavinoha struck out to end the inning. Jason Motte came in to replace Penny, and after consecutive singles following a leadoff J-Up flyout, Chris Young quickly flew out on the first pitch he saw and Ryal struck out looking, ensuring our futility quota was kept steady.

Qualls came in (a non-save situation, mind you) for the ninth, clearly remembering his role as a member of the vaunted Arizona bullpen. After two quick outs, the next three Cardinals singled, putting St. Louis up 4-2. Twenty-four pitches into the inning, Qualls got Flip to flyout, giving us one last chance of victory...

... but, hey, we're the Arizona Diamondbacks. Snyder flew out, pinch-hitting Hester struck out, and Kelly Johnson grounded to first to end the game for good.

FIN

FINAL SCORE: DIAMONDBACKS 2, CARDINALS 4

So, you know, whatever. We fall to 5-8 on the season, dropping our last five to put us last in the NL West, yet the season is young... the bullpen has blown yet another game, difference being they didn't rob a starter of a win this time. Lopez pitched admirably, and the fact that our starters are continuing to put in quality work is a promising sign for the rest of the season. We look to Haren tomorrow to end this nice little skid of ours, and maybe he can throw 150 or so pitches so we can avoid any disasters. Let's fix that bullpen, eh?

Oh, and eels.

Master of his Domain: Mark Reynolds, +20.2%
God-Emperor of Suck: Chris Young, -18.9%; Blaine Boyer, -17.2%

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